Saturday, December 25, 2010

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas!

Toys and wrapping paper are everywhere, the gifts have been opened and my most precious gift this year is now back to her peaceful sleep.

As I sit holding our sweet new baby girl I am given even more revelation of the gift of our Savior- Jesus Christ. Such a beautiful gift...and such a beautiful sacrifice. I pray we don't ever take it for granted and always remain thankful.

My heart is so thankful and filled with love, peace and content.

May your day be filled with love, laughter and a time to reflect on why we celebrate this day. “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” - Isaiah 9:6

From our house this Christmas morning to yours-- Merry Christmas!!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

I can not believe that tomorrow will be 3 weeks from the day we welcomed our sweet Mia. As the days go on we're settling into more of a routine and I'm feeling more and more comfortable in my new role as a mom to THREE. The kids are doing really well with her also. I've made it a point to include them as much as possible and let them be my little helpers. And I also try to spend a little one on one time with each of them which seems to help a lot.

They both absolutely adore Mia. I have to give them each their special time with her. They love to hold her. It's become routine for them to come into our room in the mornings and hold her for a little bit. One of my favorite memories will always be the first morning we had her home. Watching them hold her, kiss her, and just be so excited about her was almost more than my heart could stand! I caught a couple of pictures of it and I just love them because they are completely *real* and natural and in no way "coached"...it was just them, holding and loving on their new baby sister. It's so genuine and pure. This picture melts my heart.


Our sweet Mia, she is so precious. I don't know how else to describe her except to say she is SWEET. She has such a sweet spirit about her already. Don't get me wrong the girl is not shy in letting you know when she wants something- like to be fed. And let me tell you, for being such a petite thing, the girl can EAT- She's a great eater! Wears mama out sometimes, but that's ok! While I'm not sure it's really possible to spoil a baby, I am sure Mia is SPOILED. She loves to be held and basically doesn't want to be put down unless she's totally asleep. This is probably my fault because I hold her so much. I can't help it. I am still so amazed by her. My favorite is when she is full, content, and snuggled up close. She'll look up at me with her big eyes and then lifts her little face up and burries it into my neck. BEST. FEELING. ON. EARTH.

From the second I first laid eyes on her she reminded me of someone. I get this familiar feeling when I look at her, but I couldn't figure it out at first. Then one night not long after coming home, Brandon was holding her on the sofa and I looked down at her and it hit me. She reminded me of Faith. Brandon told me he thought the same thing when he saw her in the hospital but didn't want to say anything yet. Not sure why, maybe he thought it would be hard for me. It wasn't at all. In fact, I feel like it's just another little gift from our sweet Jesus. Everyone who got to meet Faith has each now told me separately that Mia reminds them of her. It makes me happy. Makes me smile when I look at her. I can't fully describe what it is about her that reminds me of Faith, she just does. It's a familiar feeling yet I can't describe it. She has this look in her eyes that gives me butterflies.

How amazing is our God. I am truly blessed by our Mia Glory. I hold her and look at her and just thank the Lord over and over again for her. He truly turned my mourning into dancing and I am SO, so thankful. Our Mia Glory- the manifestation of God's goodness.

My recovery has been great. I was out and about the day after we got home from the hospital. My energy is back but unfortunately so is my appetite. Terrible timing! I'm basically starving all of the time. Where was this appetite when I could eat whatever I wanted?! I blame Mia- eating machine.

And on that note (I feel like this has been the pattern over my last couple posts?) She is calling for me again and I can't keep my sweet girl waiting.

I promise I'll try and get back in the swing of writing more. I feel like there is so much to write about, I just need to sit down and do it!

untill then...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Every day I say, "Ok today is the day I finish part 2"...and then I fall asleep, or have to nurse, or head to the bathroom only to find myself standing at the hall closet with the door open trying to remember what I was about to do. It happens. Often.

I had to go back through all of our wrapped presents and make sure I'd put tags on them because I started finding some without names. I may have had to re-open a couple to figure it out. I can blame this little mishap on my mischievous 2 1/2 yr old or my completely scattered brain self. You be the judge.

I got an apple and peanut butter out yesterday to eat, only to find it 2 hours later in the same spot and remembered I was going to eat it.

It's a crazy, busy, tiring, but incredibly fulfilling time in my life as a mother and I'm trying with everything I have in me to enjoy this "season"...I don't just mean Christmas and all of the Christmas shopping, baking, and decorating, but this entire season I'm in that includes a newborn baby, a 2 1/2 yr old diva, and my mama's boy who just yesterday was as little as Mia, now turning 5. I know all too well that seasons change...quickly. So though I may be exhausted, have dark circles, forget to eat, feel like a 24 hr buffet, and sometimes don't get a chance to change out of my pj's till late (late) afternoon...my family is happy, my kids are well taken care of, memories are being made, and I couldn't feel more BLESSED.

Tonight when I was putting Asher to bed, he leaned over, hugged me and told me I was doing a good job of being a mom to 3. That right there makes it ALL worth it. I needed to hear it. And tomorrow when I feel myself losing it or I begin to question my abilities, I'm going to remember what my little 5 yr old son said to me and remind myself- I can do it!

And on that note, my sweet little piggy is calling...

Friday, December 10, 2010

She's Here!

I'm BACK! And I'm on pain meds- watch out! Just kidding, I ran out a couple days ago. And what a sad day it was...I turned that container upside down as if by magic one more might fall out. Ok, before you go thinking I've become hooked and feel the need to drop down on your knees and pray for my deliverance you should know I am totally kidding. In a way. And any mom who has ever gone through a difficult childbirth or c-section can relate with me so quit judging!

I read over my last entry and wow I can not believe how much my life has changed in just the matter of 11 days. As I type this my precious gift from heaven is peacefully sleeping beside me. The sound of her little breathing is so sweet, I could listen to it forever.

I have so much to say and don't know where to start. As I went back and read a bit of my posts I realized how happy I am that I started this blog. It is as much for me as it is for others. I love that I've captured moments in time through my writing. I love that I can look back on just a short matter of time and see how much God has already done. It is so easy for us to go through the motions of life and forget. I do not want to forget!

So, that being said, I wanted to start out with a little glimpse into the day Mia was born. My birth story, if you will. However before you get scared off at the sound of the words "birth story"...don't worry. This isn't one of those birth stories where I go into way too much detail, fill it with way too much information pictures, then end it with a nice story about how I saved my placenta and planted it in my backyard beneath a peach tree that now has the best peaches you will ever eat.

You think I'm making this stuff up but I assure you it's out there. And tragically I stumbled upon it and have now been forever terrorized with the memories of the words and pictures. Just take my advice, don't go searching around the internet for stories about other women's birth experiences. Better yet, just don't even google peach tree because you never know. Better safe than sorry.

Now that I've ventured completely off topic, let's try to hop back on.

I did not sleep one wink the night before we went in to have Mia. Can you blame me?! I was WAY TOO EXCITED! I did make an attempt at about 2:30 in the morning but I just lied there listening to Brandon snore (he still denies the snoring) with all sorts of thoughts running through my head and finally gave up. Instead I nested like a crazy person. I swept, mopped, folded laundry, looked for things to do, realized it had all been done-TWICE and finally just got in a bath. I sat there for a while savoring the feeling of being pregnant, knowing that as hard as it was to believe at the moment, I would miss it. I also tried to wrap my mind around the idea that my sweet baby girl would be in my arms in just a few short hours. Well that just got me going all over again and I couldn't take it so I woke up Brandon. A little early. 8 measly minutes to be exact, but let me tell you I heard all about those 8 measly minutes. PUH-LEASE. There was a baby to be had!

I have to say the whole c-section experience was much better than I expected it to be. I was put completely out for my c-section with Faith so I don't remember any of it all. I closed my eyes for what seemed like seconds or minutes and when I opened them much more time than that had passed and so much had happened. A surreal feeling for sure.

With Mia however, I was completely aware of every second and loved it. I loved the nurses, loved the anesthesiologist...the whole experience. Yes it was strange and uncomfortable at times to have the sensation of tugging on your insides but I didn't care! My little girl was about to be here! I thought I might feel robbed of the regular delivery experience that I'd been blessed to have with Asher and Bella, but I didn't. Truly all that mattered was my baby girl getting here safe and healthy! The feeling of relief, love, peace and just pure JOY, way overshadowed any other feelings that might've tried to creep in.

Right before Mia came out Dr. Farhart said "Well, I see a lot of dark hair!" Ah ha! I thought! I knew my theory about heartburn and hair was true! She came out screaming and perfect and beautiful and I will never forget that moment. I had told everyone in the room that as soon as she came out I wanted to know she was a girl. (Me and my paranoia) So when she came out everyone around the room had to reassure me she was a she! Oh thank you Jesus, I don't have to re-do her room!

She weighed 7 lbs 3 oz and was 20 inches long. Brandon did an excellent job of being "that" dad with our camera in one hand and video camera in the other. He was so proud. I was so proud. One of the best parts was looking over to see my sister waiting to take Mia into the baby nursery where she was able to be the nurse who transitioned her and do all that stuff they do to babies when they first come. So there went Brandon with Mia and Nurse Jacquelin while they put my insides back in order (Brandon loves when I talk like that) and then I was wheeled into recovery where I was totally forgotten about for a good 30 minutes. I mean I knew once the baby got here it'd be all about her but I wasn't expecting it to be THAT fast! I sat there all excited with no one to talk to!! I kept asking my new BFF (my nurse, Ashley) if she had seen any of my family members...Husband? Mom? Dad? Anyone? I even answered Brandon's cell phone at one point just so I could talk to someone! Imagine my mother in laws surprise to hear her daughter in laws voice who just GAVE BIRTH through C-SECTION answering a phone call all non-chalant. I'm telling you the meds were AMAZING.

Brandon did finally find me and I could tell by the look on his face he felt really bad because he had no idea I'd been wheeled into recovery already. It was ok really, I was so happy to know he and my family were with Mia and I couldn't wait to hold her myself!

I didn't have to wait long. Soon I was in my room and my sister "the nurse" (can you tell I'm proud ;)) brought Mia in. The moment I'd waited for was finally here!! I was meeting my little glory girl, My Mia Glory.... Finally!

I have to add a side note in here to show how good God is. Our nurse Ashely was also our nurse the day we lost Faith and I'd told her that day that we would be back soon to deliver a healthy baby and I remember thinking I hoped she would be our nurse again. It was such a blessing to me that she was there when we met Mia and such a testimony of how sweet our Jesus is to do things like that for us.

And on that note, this will have to be continued because my sweet girl is calling for my attention and there is nothing else I'd rather do! I can not wait to tell you all about her... She is so sweet, angelic, peaceful, beautiful...everything her name means and more....Our splendor and bliss of heaven!!

Part 2 tomorrow....hopefully!!

Isaiah 60:1
“Arise, shine, for your light has come and the glory of the LORD rises upon you"



Monday, November 29, 2010

My World is Changing...

Today is the day we finally meet our little Glory girl. A day our lives will change.

I have tried so many times over the last few days to put my feelings into words but it has been nearly impossible. I'm having a hard time communicating on the outside, what I'm feeling on the inside. So instead of trying, I've just avoided it and kept myself as busy as possible. So many things running through my head. So many emotions and feelings. So many memories. I'm trying to sort through them all and yet I can't.

I'm so thankful that even in all of my jumbled up thoughts and feelings, God can work it all out and bring peace. He knows my heart without me saying a word. How amazing to know that.

What I can say for sure is that I am thankful.

I have reached the end of a road that the Lord has truly guided me on and followed me through...and I know He will continue to. Tomorrow when I look into the face of our Mia Glory, I will see my sweet Jesus and the love he has for me. I will see my angel babies and know they are dancing in heaven.

Thank you Lord for that knowledge. Thank you for the peace and strength that has sustained me.

I am so thankful for a husband and family who have supported me, loved me, strengthened and prayed for me. I can not wait to see each of you as you hold our little gift of heaven. I love you all so much. Words are not enough.

And I am thankful for a Dr. who has gone above and beyond for us and all of our sweet babies. Not only in words but always in action and that to me means more than anything. He has been through it all with us. I will never forget something he said to me after we lost Faith... "It will be great to wrap this testimony up in the ribbon of another full-term, healthy baby someday." At the time that day seemed so far away, but here we are...that day has come, all Glory and honor to God and our heartfelt thanks and love to you, Dr. Farhart.

My World is changing...and how sweet it is!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

To My Husband...

6 years ago today Brandon and I stood at an alter at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel on the island of Oahu, Hawaii and said "I do."

We never could have imagined what those words and that day would be the beginning of. We've grown together, been stretched together, learned, laughed, cried, and healed together. But most of all, we've created a beautiful life together. One filled with amazing love and I could not ask for me.

I can still remember the first time I saw him. He was making a certain face that I now know well and see our son make. I will never forget that day. God planned it from the beginning. Though our paths were going in two completely different directions, he brought them together and I fell head over heels IN LOVE. Not just in the man he was, but the God I saw in Him.

I am so thankful to be so loved and to love so much. To watch him be an amazing daddy to our kids, a loving son, caring brother and selfless person.

I am challenged to love more, seek more, and do more.

It has been my greatest reward to be the mother of his children...an honor and a privilege. Though it can be exhausting at times and challenging at others, it is always a reward...a title I hold dear and with great pride.

My sweet husband, I love you beyond what mere words could say. I cherish you more than I could ever show you. I honor and respect you. You are everything I wanted and everything I didn't know I needed. Thank you for showing me how much God loves me by just by loving me each day. Thank you for your patience, love, strength, compassion, and calm. You are my perfect balance.

Today, as we look back on 6 years of marriage, I am so thankful. For you, for our life, for the lessons we've learned together, places we've gone and for the opportunity to share many more of those with you.

I can not wait to see you hold our new little girl in your arms. It is the greatest gift you could ever give me...to see your love as you look at her for the first time. I will cherish it forever.

Today and every day, I am thankful for my husband.
Happy Anniversary My Love! You still give me butterflies!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Christmas Music and Heartburn

Not related whatsoever. One makes me completely happy and the other makes me completely grouchy.

"Grouchy"... I bet that's a word some of you don't often say or hear, huh? We've always said it in our family. The first time I said it around Brandon he looked at me like I was crazy. It's a common household word now. "Bella, woke up grouchy mom!" "Asher's being grouchy to me!"....The other day at the store Bella was waving to every person we passed. One particular old man came walking by and sort of stopped in front of us. Perfect opportunity for Bella to stick her hand in his face, wave and say "Hi!"...He just looked at her and kept on walking. Bella says really loud, "Mom, that man is GROUCHY!"

It was pretty funny. And I bet you anything that old man laughed to himself even if he would never let anyone see. Grouch.

So anyway I have a major issue. It's called heartburn...or acid reflux. I'm very confused as to which one I am experiencing because I get different answers from all of my prominent sources...mom, google, babycenter....seems as though I have both? Not sure. Either way...it. is. not. fun!

I can't figure out what triggers it or what helps. I eat, it gets worse, I don't eat- even worse. I have tried tums (which help somewhat for a little bit), baking soda in water (Dr. mom) and tonight I tried Maalox (what am I, 80?)

I came to a conclusion. Since I've never had it before with my other two, it can only mean one thing...maybe, just maybe this baby might have some hair on her little head! I know it's sort of an old wives tail but isn't it true that if you have bad heartburn when you're pregnant then that means your baby will have a lot of hair? Anyone? Can you either confirm or deny this? No medical opinions people cause I have a feeling they will just rain on my parade. I've already envisioned her with a pretty little head of hair that I can clip bows into. Unlike my other two who came out looking like a 90 yr old man with bad receding hair lines (Though much cuter of course)

Guess we'll see for sure in about 10 days. 10 days!!! Wow.

So...Christmas music. It's officially began ya'll. The Christmas Season. How do I know this? "Soft rock 101.9" (can't you just hear Delilah saying it) has started playing CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!! It was a glorious event tonight as we drove home, turned on 101.9 (I've been checking every day) and there it was- Trans Siberian Orchestra "Carol of the bells." The perfect song to start off the Christmas music season. Although I will never sit through another 3 hour long concert like that again. Torture. Not because of the music but because of my inability to sit somewhere longer than 15 minutes.

Hearing it made me so happy. I don't care what kind of mood you are in, as soon as you hear Christmas music you can't possibly be GROUCHY (he, he there it is again)

I will also add that with the onset of Christmas music and Asher now being nearly 5 and understanding things way too well...As well as being way too literal for his own good (thanks daddy for passing that on), we had to have a detailed conversation about why mama was kissing Santa Clause. Oh Lord.

Now mind you, my kids know Santa is just pretend. We never "believed" in Santa growing up, so it just seems normal that ours wouldn't either. Whatever, I know some of you think we're being all "Bahumbug." I don't have anything wrong with believing he is real if that's what you choose for your family. We let the kids know that Santa is just a character like Spiderman or Dora or whoever. It's fun to pretend they are real, but we know they aren't. However, Jesus is. So that's why we are always emphasizing that Christmas is about Jesus and his birthday and not about presents and Santa. It's an ongoing reminder for them because it is so easy to fall into the "put that on my list" world we live in. And we all fall into it. While we're on the topic I would like a bigger car with the limo window in the middle on my list- don't forget. Thanks.

Speaking of, this reminds me of a story that is exactly why we have to continue to work at emphasizing the meaning of Christmas. Our church is participating in Operation Christmas Child this year so I had Asher watch the video with me so he would understand why we're putting together a shoebox of toys for another little boy. The video started out with images of these poor kids in even poorer conditions and Asher had all kinds of questions. Perfect. He's catching on. Then a list with pictures came on with ideas of what to put in the shoe box...hard candy, jacks, toy cars, etc...Asher looks at me and says "Put all that on my list!"

So, like I said the conversation and reiteration continues daily.

If you'd like to get involved with Operation Christmas Child, check out the link to find a distribution center near you or you can contact me! Our church, Heart of Praise, is taking shoe boxes up until this Sunday!

On that note (or a totally different one) I'm thankful to be sitting here writing this without the intense burning in my chest and throat that I've become so familiar with. At least for a little while, thanks to the maalox. But if you have any recommendations for heartburn I would greatly appreciate them.

And if you are feeling grouchy, turn on some Christmas music!!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The little things

I'm thankful for today...

How well Bella is doing with potty training.

The candy corn from Aunt Jacquelin that is fueling that accomplishment.

Text messaging because I can keep up with my sisters throughout the day.

Sisters that I call my best friends.

2 nights in a row of great sleep.

A mom who calls me every morning to talk about nothing and everything.

To be momentarily winning the ongoing battle with laundry.

Unsolicited hugs and kisses

To have folded two loads of tiny baby girl clothes.

A husband who makes sure I eat and will make me angel hair pasta at 9 o'clock at night.

Hot baths and tylenol.

Family that is always there to help. Particularly to my dad today for picking up Asher from school.

A squirmy little girl in my tummy who loves to remind me she's there.

All the little projects I was able to complete due to the sleep I'm getting.

A little boy in spider man pj's sleeping peacefully beside me.

That that little boy still asks to snuggle each night.

Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie dough.

The cold front that blew in and a warm bed to sleep in.

A husband who I deeply love and who still makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

...And Lord have mercy...for Tums.


Profound? No. Deep? Not at all.

Just simple and True

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Why, Lord?

I had to go grocery shopping tonight. I say had because I was dreading it. I'd ran a couple of errands before (mistake) so at this point I was exhausted, aching, hungry and just wanted to go home, eat some coco puffs, and get in a nice hot bath.

But I'd put it off long enough and drank all the kids juice boxes. They were starting to suspect me.

As I walked through the front entrance in a hurry and in the middle of a phone conversation with my sister, I sort of saw the table where an older woman was sitting, selling San Antonio Express News subscriptions and I sort of heard her ask me if I wanted one.

I faintly smiled, said "No thanks," and kept walking.

But then I heard it "Turn around and go back."

Why Lord?"

But before I could figure out "why" I was off the phone with Vanessa and standing in front of this sweet looking, bundled up, older woman talking to me about the newspaper and how exciting it was that the weekend package now also includes Thursdays (FYI).

As she continued talking I looked at her hand to see if she had a ring on, I wondered if she had kids at home and then decided they were probably grown. I wondered why she would be out there in the cold at 7 o'clock at night.

And wondered..."Why, Lord".

I asked her a few questions about herself and her family thinking maybe I would know what she needed to hear. Maybe God would reveal something to me. Maybe he would make this easier on me?

We had a nice little conversation and I now have the SA Express News coming to my house every weekend.

And then I walked away...

....why Lord?

Then I heard it.

"Because she needed someone to acknowledge her. To let her know she was noticed."

I didn't know why I turned around or why I went on to have the conversation that I did with this sweet woman. And I didn't know what, but there was something special about her.

God knows though and He wanted someone else to notice it also.

Tonight I'm thankful for moments like this where God uses you to Bless someone... to smile, to talk, to notice.

I'm thankful for reminders to stop and listen to that still small voice trying to direct you. It may not always be for you, but when you let Him work through you for someone else, the blessing comes to you anyway.

I don't know that I made any kind of difference in her life, I don't know what might be going on in it and I don't even know her name. But God does. And He knows what she needed in that moment.

For someone to notice.

I often think of a time when I was taking classes at UTSA and there was this girl I always saw. She was even in one of my classes. Out of all the people who go to UTSA, I saw this girl more than if I had planned to on purpose. I knew it was for a reason. I knew God wanted me to talk to her. He would set up perfect scenarios where it would be easy to.

But you know what? I never did. And I still regret it. I think about it a lot and I wonder about her. Wonder what she may have needed to hear or what I could have done. I'm sure whatever it was, God was able to use someone else to accomplish it..... But still.

I thank God for his grace because He doesn't hold that against me and he gives me more opportunities to stop, listen and be used. Like tonight.

The difference is that I listened.

We can get so caught up in our own lives- in our own "aches and pains", that we don't see what is in front of us... or who is in front of us.

Whatever it may be- an encouraging word, a hug, a smile...just letting someone know they are noticed...I hope we listen to that still small voice.

In those"Why Lord" moments, He always has a reason. And I am thankful to be used in them.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

13 Days until.....

I can sleep on my stomach again!! I bet you thought I was going to say "till Mia is here!!'

Well, that too, but oh I can not wait to sleep on my stomach again, not just that but to actually sleep. Can I tell you people that I literally toss and turn...And turn and toss, for at least an hour or more each night before falling asleep. And then I'm a light sleeper as it is, so if anything wakes me up- which is everything... I start the toss and turn process all over again.

I might be a little exhausted right now...and a little grouchy. You can tell because I just spent 10 minutes going through my Facebook news feed "hiding" people that I don't want to have to see or hear about what they are doing every 2 seconds. Grouchy right? Don't worry it wasn't you. Promise. I'm sure I'll be trying to figure out how to "un-hide" tomorrow, because in the end I'm just nosey and useless information is always entertaining when you're exhausted.

Sleep has broken up with me for a while and I'm currently in a relationship with acid reflux, restless leg syndrome and a brain that won't rest. Meanwhile my husband, my handsome husband, who I love, but who is also in DE-NIAL that he might snore...does just that...snores away. The other night before bed I thought we were having a conversation...a deep, intellectual, one on one conversation...I stopped talking after about 10 minutes and waited for a response...Quiet. Then I thought, Oh he's being Brandon, he's processing...then...snoring. Yep, he was snoring. Fell asleep on me.

Must be nice.

I had a Dr. appointment yesterday...I was sort of sad it was the 2nd to last one. It's bittersweet. I'm going to miss everyone at the office but it also means I'm so close to having my sweet girl (or boy?? ;). All is well with Mia and she is definitely showing signs of getting ready for the big day but she needs to slow down so we can get her before she tries to come on her own. C-Section is scheduled for the 29th at 7AM! Which means Brandon and I have to be at the hospital at 5am............We haven't seen that hour in YEARS...if at all...Let's not kid. The best part to the appointment was finding out I'd lost the 1 pound I gained at last week's appointment so I am still holding steady at a 24 lb gain which is a MIRACLE. And yes I will take every opportunity to make this fact known because, well, just because. Do I need to remind you of the 50 I gained with Asher??

I can thank my little piggy Bella girl for that and constantly stealing my food when I do sit down to eat and for just making it not worth even trying to eat sometimes because I know it will end up being hers anyway. Thank you Bella. I owe you. One day you will understand.

After my Dr. appointment I took advantage of a Target trip (or two) without kids since Brandon was off yesterday (He's the BEST- took them to Chikfila and the park, I LOVE him!)and I ran around getting things I still need for her. Or at least I tried. I think my body and brain were confused with the calmness of the situation because I basically went in circles trying to remember what I need or what I was there for. My poor brain is so used to multi-tasking with the kids, popcorn, drinks, "no you can't have that" "yes you can put that on your list"...not to mention the acute ability I've developed to detect those little red clearance tags from a mile away, that when it was time to focus on only one thing I felt lost.

However, a Target trip should never be in vain, so I did manage to get a few things checked off my list. Even if I couldn't remember half of that list. I gotta start writing things down. Between lack of sleep and food, it might help things.

I was given a beautiful shower this weekend by some special women and words can't express how thankful I was. I had to keep from crying a couple of times because the reality of it all- that we were celebrating our Mia Glory- was overwhelming. I am so thankful for my special family and friends who were there, showing love, support, and for just being as excited as we are to welcome our little girl. I am *so* thankful to each one of you!

I realize I committed to writing what I am thankful for here for the next 30 days and well I slacked over the weekend. We've had a full few days but I'm back on track. I'll make it up to you. I know you are so concerned about this. Try to sleep tonight. ;)

So at this very moment as I look out my front windows, I am thankful that we get to put our Christmas decorations up next week, which means I can take down our fall decor and I don't have to see Bubba and Betty (our "scarecrows") all slumped over every morning like they've had one too many the night before (diet cokes of course)

Also, Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK and then Mia comes and I can SLEEP! I know what you're thinking, "Poor girl, she has no clue...Sleep? You have a newborn coming!" Blah, blah, blah... Look, I'll take a good 2-3 hour stretch at this point. Something about the quality of sleep you get right after having a baby is just pure heaven. Not only because I won't have the big 'ol tummy to contend with but because of that wonderful thing called pain med's that have a way of just knocking you right out...and for that I am super thankful!!.....Don't judge.

So If you love me, please pray that I sleep tonight. And then I promise I'll be back tomorrow less grouchy and back to my "Live, Laugh, Love, Savor, Cherish...yada yada, self :)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Call me Crazy But...

Now that we are approaching the end of this pregnancy, all the crazy thoughts that a soon to be mom has are starting to invade. First the emotional ones of "will I be able to do it all" started yesterday (see my post from last night for that little diddy)...Let's just say no more coco puffs at midnight for me.

And now, the crazy thoughts have turned to WHAT IF this baby is a BOY!

I assure you, I would not mind this AT all. But all the preparation...especially mental...it would be a shock. Not to mention HER ROOM!! Have you SEEN the work I put into it?! I've been collecting, planning, creating and decorating for what seems like forever, to make it perfect for HER. But oh my gosh, what if SHE is a HE?!

I know what you're saying..."OK looney Laura, #1 I can't keep up with you and your emotions." Yeah, well I can't either but they have a way of getting away from me. Deal with it. I have to. #2, you are thinking- "Where is this coming from?!"

Well I'll tell you. I've had 2 dreams recently that it's a boy. Not just one. Isn't there something about 2..like confirmation or something? Then I tortured myself further by reading a story about this happening to a mom...thought it was a girl the whole time, got the ultrasound pictures, yay it's a girl.. then the baby comes out- it's a boy!

Ok I need a juice box break, my heart is racing... Yes I said juice box. I'm CRAVING juice like no other and I've already gone through all other juice in this house, which leaves me with the kids juice boxes. But I have to say, there is something about drinking out of one of those little things that I'm starting to enjoy. Wait, is craving juice a sign too?!

Back to the important matter at hand...

Here's the kicker...I just stumbled upon this picture of me at 37 weeks pregnant with Bella. All round and wide in the tummy, right?


Ok, Do not tell me I am carrying this one the same. It's drastically different is it not??! More out in front and pointy.


Oh.My.Word.

I'm all worked up now. The night is not my friend lately. Exhaustion is getting to me. Brandon can't know about this crazy prego rant because he will tell me I'm being just that- crazy. I'm not though right? I'm starting to get hot... I have no more ultrasounds left. I'm done seeing the specialist...if only I had made her quadruple check last time...

Great. I'm going to be sucking down a lot of juice boxes tonight.

Ok, let me try to think about this rationally. I have to remember everything I went through in the beginning and just knowing it was a girl. We've had numerous ultrasounds including the major ones done by the specialist on big ol' flat screens and all said it's a girl, not to mention many other confirmations...Ok, I am being crazy aren't I? Every mom goes through this right? It's normal?

It's that darn picture! I tell you! Tell me that isn't just a little convincing.

DISCLAIMER! DO NOT tell me any stories about this happening to a friend of a friend of an Aunt who watches your kids. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! This mom needs SLEEP!

It's almost 3am ...

...and I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning for what seems like hours. I went to lay down and snuggle with each of the kids, thinking it might put my mind at peace. They don't even know I'm there. I wanted them to though. I wanted to wake them up and tell them I always would be.

It's beginning to hit me. I'm going to be a mom of 3 soon. Very soon. And I keep wondering- will I be able to do it? How am I going to divide myself- my attention- into 3 different little individuals who each have completely different needs.

All of the hoping, the praying, waiting...it's all been for this and now that it is almost here, I'm asking myself- Am I ready?

I remember being pregnant with Bella and wondering how Asher would react to a new sister. I wondered if he would be jealous or feel like I wasn't giving him enough attention. Then Bella entered our world and it was as if she'd always been there. He fell in love with her just as hard and quick as we all did.

I have so many thoughts running through my head. Will I be able to show Asher that he is and will always be my first born little boy...my heart. Will Bella know she is still our princess girl, our sweet gift from heaven.

I know, of course that this is nothing new. I remind myself that I am a 3rd child out of 4 and never questioned my place or the love and attention of my parents. And then I think, of course you didn't Laura, why would you. They loved us all the same.

So why this feeling in my stomach that won't let me sleep? Why the knot in my chest from choking back tears...

Someone asked me the other day if I was ready. I don't know why but it was hard to process my answer to that question. My immediate response was yes. Because it should be, right? Of course I'm ready. I've waited so long for her. For our sweet Mia Glory, who I already love so much. So why did my mind have a hard time agreeing with my heart. Why did I walk away asking myself- Are you ready?

Maybe it's been just that- all of the waiting, all of what we've been through to get here. The path we've been on...It's been so long and hard that now that we are reaching the end it's as if it's not real. I know that may be hard to understand, but I can't fully explain it. It just doesn't seem real that I will be holding our new baby girl in my arms in just a short matter of time.

As I lay tossing and turning, I started thinking ahead to what I thought it might be like... The moment I have all 3 kids surrounding me with my precious husband beside me and I honestly felt my heart aching. Not out of sadness of course, but from it feeling so full of love that it just might burst. And that was just in my imagination. What will it be like when it really happens. I can't even fathom it...

...A completion is how I can best explain it. A part of our lives that was left undone will be completed. I will be holding a healthy little girl in my arms almost one year to the day that we would were due with her sister Faith. I looked in the face of my sweet baby girl and had to say goodbye too early. But now, now that I do have a healthy baby girl who is almost here, really here, it's almost too much for me to grasp.

I know in those moments when I first hold her, I will feel a peace. Like the 3 have always been. I can only believe that yes I will be able to show all 3 of them how much they mean to me and how much I love them, because it's really all I know. I've been blessed to always know love so it's really all I can show.

That is what I have to settle in my spirit tonight, as I try once again to fall asleep and keep myself from going into their rooms and snuggling them up to me. I just have to know that my heart and our world will expand for this little girl. I just have to know that God gives us as mothers the ability to be all and do all... through Him.

And that yes our little Glory girl really is going to be here soon.

I am so thankful that God grants us peace right where we are, in whatever situation we need Him in. And that although I may not be able to understand or fathom it all now, his peace surpasses all of it.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always

There is a book by that title that is one of our favorites. Every time I read it I have to keep myself from crying in front of the kids. The last time I read it, I was snuggled up with Asher in his bed and when I got to the part where the grown up little boy is holding his old mother as he rocks and sings there song to her, I couldn't hold back the tears.

It can be a hard book to read as a mother as you watch this little boy grow up. But no matter how big he gets, his mom always sneaks in his room after he is fast asleep, picks him up to hold in her arms and sings this song "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." In the end the little boy is grown up with a family of his own. After driving to his mom's house, picking her up and singing the song to her as she sleeps, he drives back home, walks into his new baby girl's room and does the same.

I thought about this book this morning as I peaked my head into Bella's room as she slept. She hasn't been feeling well and slept in pretty late this morning. Usually she wakes up before us all and plays with all of her baby dolls and reads her books until she is ready to come out. It's not often anymore that I get to watch her sleep. But this morning, I kept going in to check on her as she slept and slept. I wanted to wake her up so we could spend our morning together while Asher is at school. But I let her sleep, knowing that she needed it. I knew as I watched her little stomach move up and down and listened to her breathe in and out, just like I used to when she was a tiny baby, that there would be plenty of time to wake her up...to watch her grow before my eyes. So this morning, I sat and watched her, I let time stop for just a little bit. Knowing that one day, too soon from now, she will be grown.

This is why I'm choosing to savor time. It may sound silly, it may be a little cheesy even, but for me, as a mom, time is precious. It goes too fast and slips between our fingers even as much as we try to hold onto it as tight as possible.

As time moves forward and Bella becomes even more beautiful, Asher grows more and more into his daddy and we wait to meet this little girl, I choose to close my eyes in these kind of moments, thanking the Lord for the "right now" and holding onto it even if just in a memory. Because the "moments" and "memories" will keep coming. We can let them pass us up or we can live in them and be thankful for them. All of them...including the moments where you think you need a mental vacation to Mexico :)

My sleeping beauty- I am so thankful for you. For the sweet, beautiful girl you are growing into, for the way you wrap your arms around me and say "I love you shhoooo much", I love the way your daddy looks at you and I love to watch your brother take care of you. I love how bossy you are because I know it's for a reason. I love that you are mine. To love forever, to like for always...as long as I'm living my baby you'll always be.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Sweet Sleep

This whole time change is throwing me way off. I just looked at the clock thinking it was going to say midnight...it's only 10 . How long does it take to get used to it? Why don't I remember have any issues before? Am I getting old? Where am I? Who are all these people?

Maybe it just has to do with the whole 9 months pregnant thing...yes that's what I'll say it is. Because, as I stated before I can only use this for 3 more weeks, so there it is. I am exhausted and thought it was midnight because I am exhausted and 9 months pregnant. And I'm so exhausted that I'm starting to repeat myself.

Asher has a "list" that starts the day after Christmas. This list is somewhat imaginary because quite frankly it's so long he forgets half the stuff he put on it. It's just him walking down the aisle saying "put that on my list... and that... and that!" And me going "Ok, Asher it's on your list." Every commercial too, darn those toy commercials. And guess who he passed this cute little habit on to? Apparently Bella wants the entire cast of Dora on her "list." That's not even possible. Do you want to know how many times a day I hear "put that on my list!"...No, you don't. You'd try to steal my vacation to Mexico if you did.

So do you know what I would LOVE on my "list?" Besides my son's energy...one of those windows for my car like limos have so I could roll it up whenever I wanted. Which would basically be always. I'm sorry I love my kids..dearly, you know I do. But something about being in close confined quarters brings out the worst in us all. Thank God for seat belts and car seats and threats of a cop being behind us to keep them in line. And why oh why do my kids beg me to turn up the music and then try to ask me a question 10 seconds later? Anyone??

I don't know where that came from. Now I'm going off on a completely random tangent. I was talking about the time change, right?

I'm tired. Really tired. I've tried to get a nap over the last couple days but even with my door shut, pillow over my head, and daddy watching them (or football?) I can't get one. Every time I start to drift off a little screeching noise wakes me up. That screeching noise would be my sweet daughter vocalizing her annoyance with her big brother. It's only been happening recently. I'm blaming the cold medicine, bless her heart.

But really, why the time change? Can someone tell me who it benefits because I'm really curious. I'd google it like I do all the other answers to my undying questions but my eyes are burning and I need to sleep while the screecher is sleeping. And yes,I am aware that I didn't make my post last night, but I fell asleep. True story.

I have so much I am thankful for including my well intentioned, football watching husband, my energizer bunny and my screecher, but mostly right now I'm thankful for sleep.

Thank you for the sweet sleep that your word promises Lord...because I need it tonight.

Proverbs 3:24- "When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet"

Saturday, November 6, 2010

36 weeks

For a couple of weeks my excuse for everything has been "because I'm nearly 9 months pregnant!" Now, I can say "because I am 9 months pregnant!" I can only use this whole pregnant thing for another 3 weeks so you better believe I am milking it. After that I am well aware that it will not be about me anymore, but instead the sweet little baby that I'll be holding (hogging).

I got dressed today and put on some knee length boots over my skinny jeans. I have to choose my outfits wisely these days and think about whether Brandon will be around to help get my boots off. Asher tried to help me the other day and it wasn't happening. Bless his heart, he sure did try. I work up a sweat putting those suckers on, let alone getting them off. So why do I wear them you ask? I don't have a good answer except that my mom always taught me there's a price for beauty and beauty is pain. I'll be sure to pass that priceless little nugget on to Bella so one day when she is 9 months pregnant she'll be as determined as her mama to still dress somewhat trendy even if it means cutting off your circulation. I'm kidding. About the circulation. Not the beauty is pain part because that's true. It's a fact we women have to learn and then decide whether we want to follow. I suppose I could wear running shoes with every outfit like I see some pregnant women doing. You know those type who look smart and motherly and all "I don't care about fashion, it's all about my baby and I'll look unfashionable for them if I have to." They are obviously the ones following the advice of the pregnancy books that tell you to wear circulation socks, loose clothing, comfortable shoes and that your husbands big collared shirts or (and I quote) "jumpers" are an excellent choice for those 3rd trimester clothing options. Right. I'm going to put on one of Brandon's button ups with some leggings (another suggestion) and everyone is going to tell me how cute I look? Well, maybe they would but they'd be lying and should ask for forgiveness. If you happen to be one of those women who did in fact wear jumpers, I'm sure you looked cute. I'm not lying. But I would like to see a picture because I am curious what a jumper even is.

If you read my post from last night, you should know my day was much better. Thank God because I might have really gone on a little "vacation to Mexico." I'd have this permanent glazed over look in my eyes as people walk by saying "Poor Laura, all she ever does is sit in that corner asking for a refill on her diet coke in spanish."

I'm kidding of course. I'm tough. We mothers know to expect the not so good days and thankfully God grants us the grace we need for the next one. And when you have a day like I did yesterday, you forget all about it when you're putting your little girl to bed and she starts singing "You are my sunshine" to you. How can you dwell on a previously bad day when God speaks to you through your children like that. You can't. He means it when he tells us His mercies are new every morning.

So today I am thankful for new, better, days and reminders of His love and mercy. And I am thankful to be 36 weeks pregnant, wearing my favorite boots. It may take a husband and two small children to get them off, but I'm still wearing them!

Friday, November 5, 2010

"Mama said there'd be days like this"

There are days as a mother where you just feel so on top of things. The kids got along, you manage to get 3 healthy meals served, laundry done, beds made, finger paint, play doh, puzzles, park time...a clean house, baths and bed with plenty of time to spend with your husband. You go to bed feeling like you got it all under control and should totally write a book on how to get it all done in a day. Yay you.

Then there are days like today where you literally just want to get back in bed and start all over. The day starts out so normal, so promising, so convincing of a potentially good day. And then...

Somewhere between Asher waking me up at the crack of dawn (Yes, 8:30 IS the crack of dawn... to me) and about 2 minutes after getting his sister up, the signs began to show. I am pretty sure they were both put in time out 10 minutes into our day. I'd broken up an argument, wiped noses... and butts, served breakfast, wiped counter tops, cleaned up crumbs, emptied the dishwasher, broke up another argument, sat a little hiney on her big girl potty for the 3rd time, picked up crumbs again...before realizing I hadn't even had my morning caffeine yet.

Rough Day.

That whole "cherish, savor, live" each day thing?? Yeah, today I was wishing for a fast forward button. I ain't even gonna lie.

On top of it all, I had a husband who stayed home because he wasn't feeling well and wanted to be taken care of (babied). To me, that means silence and sleep so I took the kids out on a couple of errands. Bad idea. You know those moms you look at it while they are disciplining their children in the middle of a store and you're like- "Really? Can you give him a little slack?" Not knowing at all what the situation is but still judging and thinking "poor kid"....Yes well, I was the mom getting those looks today.

I promise you, I couldn't even go to the bathroom without one of my leeches (and I say that in the most loving way possible) popping their little heads around the corner. Or walk upstairs without them yelling my name and wondering where I was--"Mom?, Mom?! Where are you?!"...Mexico Asher, I went to Mexico. On vacation. I'm laying in a lawn chair drinking a nice cold diet coke listening to the waves... No...no...wait, there it is again... "Mom???!"

After making my sweet husband some homemade chicken soup (only by the grace of God) getting the kids fed, bathed, and in their pj's...what do you think I did? That's right, I went to my therapy session (Target). Now before you recommend an intervention, I had good reason...cold medicine, baby shower present, mindless wondering...It's amazing what a good Target trip can do for the soul. I'm just saying, there's something about grabbing a drink and snack while wandering the isles, putting things in your cart that you know you really don't have the intention of buying and then putting it all back, that refreshes a mom. And it did.

And because I know God still loves me and I have such an amazing husband, I came home to two sleeping leeches. Thank you God.

So today, I am thankful for my Pottery Barn catalog and a hot bath, sleepy time tea, and the chance to start all over tomorrow. Thank you Lord that your mercies are new every morning. And please God, bring back my angels tomorrow morning. Whoever those other two were? Not mine!


Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

A Time for Everything

As I strive to cherish and savor each day, I realize even more how much we are pushed to look forward. The stores are already filled with Christmas decorations. Shopping malls have their wreaths and garland put up. Gift ideas, stocking stuffers, toy catalogs, Christmas music...No wonder we feel like time rushes by us during this time of year. It's so easy to start thinking we are already running out of time when we hear people completing their shopping lists and planning Christmas dinners. I want to look back and remember celebrating, cherishing, enjoying and appreciating every part of this season we are in. Each and every day. There's a stirring in my spirit to just be still, to sit and listen, not to rush through my days but to take the time to acknowledge the moments. I want to take each day as it comes, planning ahead but living today. Especially now, a time when we are so tempted to run full speed ahead. Instead, I think I'll walk a little slower, listen a little harder, breathe a little deeper and sit a little longer.

So today, this beautiful day in November, I'm thankful for cooler temperatures, back doors left open while the kids play outside, the smell and feel of dry air, hoodies and hats, cinnamon pumpkin candles, crunchy leaves, baking homemade cookies, little pink noses, hot tea, homemade potato soup and snuggley blankets.

And I'm thankful that we are given time...to stop, listen, give, love, pray, laugh and cherish.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Petunia Pickle Bottom

Say that 3 times fast. If you don't know who they are, you are probably thinking I just named some kind of condition of some sort. I'm not sure what kind of condition that would be but I would not want to have it.

Petunia Pickle Bottom is a line of diaper bags. I know what you are thinking... Oh. How. Exciting. And now you are moving your little cursor to the top left hand corner to hit that nice little "x". WELL, go ahead Mr. or Mrs. crabby pants but then you would be robbing me of sharing the reason I am thankful today, how I've been blessed and how I would like to BE a blessing in return.

Go ahead and get a beverage of your liking cause this one might take a while. I told you I over explain things.

My little love affair for Petunia Pickle Bottom started a couple months back when I started to look for a diaper bag to use for Mia. I've had a few diaper bags in my day but have never been too pleased with them. Either they were too heavy, hard to clean, or like my last one the supposed backpack straps were pretty much good for nothing and every time I bent over to do something while holding Bella everything in the bag would come pouring out. Annoying. And now I'm boring you. I can feel it. I'll speed this up. After reading and researching and realizing there was a whole world of obsessive Petunia Pickle Bottom women, I found one I love as well and now I know why so many moms love them. I chose one of their "Boxy Glazed Backpacks." According to all the reviews, it's fabulous enough to solve all the worlds problems. I'll have to get back with you on that one since I haven't even got to use it yet. It sleeps between Brandon and I and sits on our mantle during the day until we're ready to use it. I'm kidding, we don't have a mantle...wish we did. Always wanted one to hang our stockings at Christmas...But anyway, I've now become one of those who just loves the bags and knows the patterns and styles and is all "Oh I love your Petunia, is that a boxy glazed in Tea on the Thames?" I know, it's like another language right? I've never, never, never, been the type to get obsessive about bags or collecting them. And I'm still not. I rather decorate my house or buy something for Brandon or the kids instead. I know, I'm SO selfless and wonderful, aren't I? No, but it's honestly true.

So I very randomly entered a contest last month that they (PPB as we followers like to refer to them) were having for the month of October. I know what you're thinking, "What is with Laura and all these contests"...I'm not quite sure, I'm on a roll. Don't judge.

The contest was to submit a picture of a trip you'd gone on and why it was special spending it with your child or children. They worded it much more eloquent than I just did, but that was the gist of it. I entered this picture and this description


"This picture is one of my favorites and will always be very special to me. It was taken on our family vacation in August of '09. It is of my son, my daughter and niece. We almost didn't go on this trip because just a few days before, I had delivered my 23 week old baby girl who did not survive. We had this trip planned for some time and it was always intended to be a time of rest with our family. It was just what was needed after a very long and hard fight for our baby girl. Watching my kids play with each other and with family was just what my heart needed to heal. This picture simply captures the love and bond between family that is stronger than any tragedy or trial we may face in this world. The time we spent together that summer was more strengthening and loving than I could have imagined. I will always cherish this photograph. It signifies not a time of mourning and sadness, but a time of healing"

...And guess what, I WON!! I know, I know, you are so happy for me. You don't have to jump up and down. I won a "Wistful Weekender" that I will use as my overnight bag at the hospital and can also be used as a diaper bag on longer trips. I'm a little too excited. Brandon made me promise not to take a picture of my "collection" and post it on their facebook page. I'll refrain, I promise. Click Here see the bag that I won and will have to make room for in our bed next to the other one.

They contacted me today to let me know I won and I am so excited. Mainly I am BLESSED. So guess what that means, I would like to BE a blessing. Why? Because WE are BLESSED, to BE a BLESSING! So, that being said, I recently transitioned Bella from her crib and nursery to a big girl room. I have a whole set of Pottery Barn crib bedding that is currently sitting in a closet, being unused. I still LOVE it so much. I can remember scouring the internet and stores to pick just the right bedding for my sweet new girl. I took very special care of it. Well, I did the best I could on my end, what Bella did while I wasn't around I can't be blamed for ;) Point is, I thought about trying to sell it and I did try to sell it actually. I had a couple of people interested in it but I just didn't feel right. Then the Lord said to me- give it to someone who needs it and will love it as much as you. I wasn't quite sure how I would do that or find that person, until today. Granted it's not brand new, but it's special to me. I know, how can crib bedding be so special, but it is. It was my precious baby girl's baby bedding, where she laid each night, in the room I rocked her in. It's just special. I don't expect you to love it in the same way I do, I simply want to meet the need of someone else and bless them

It's still in great condition. Includes the bumper, crib skirt, quilt, and toile sheet. It is from the Pottery Barn "Isabelle" line that they no longer carry.



This is by no means a "contest." But if you know someone or are someone who would like to have this, someone who needs it and maybe can't afford to buy a whole new set for themselves, or you just love it and can give it a good home, I would like to hear from you! Please email me and let me know why you think this person would like it, or why you yourself would like it. I do not have to know you- anyone is free to contact me.

I'm excited to be able to give this away. Not for any other reason except that it is significant to me. And I am all about sentiment, heart and significance. It may not be a brand new Petunia Pickle Bottom bag, but in my eyes it has even more value because of everything it meant to me.

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38

So today I am thankful because I have been BLESSED to be a BLESSING.

Please contact me as soon as possible with your "submissions."
caddellhouse@yahoo.com

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Reasons to Celebrate

Tonight we celebrated the birthdays of two women who mean so very much to so many. My mother in law and our Nana. Two special people who have shown me strength, love, and grace in every season of life.

I am so thankful for family and the reasons we celebrate. For new beginnings, new life, years past and years to come. Laughter, inside jokes, friendships, support, grace, mercy, strength, conversation when needed, silence when necessary, love always.

Family are those who will always be there with you, in every season, through sorrow and in joy. I am so thankful for the people in my life who I am honored to call my family. And I am thankful for the reasons to celebrate with them.

Happy Birthday to my mother-in-law, Melissa (Mimi) and Nana. Two perfect reasons to celebrate...

Monday, November 1, 2010

Thankful

Every year, time seems to pass even faster than the year before. I've felt the need to cherish this time, try to hold on to it and just savor it. At the end of this month we will be holding our little piece of heaven on earth. I'm stuck somewhere between wanting to hold her, meet her, kiss her...and wanting to just be still in these moments I am in because I know they will never be the same. Any mom who has ever had more than one child can probably relate to what I am feeling. It's a feeling that your life and heart couldn't possibly be made any larger with even more love...but it can. It's an amazing thing that happens the first time you lay eyes on your new baby.

Not only am I counting the days till we meet Mia, but this time of year is my absolute favorite. I love everything that comes with it, all of the memories of the year before and new ones to make.

So in an effort to savor and cherish each day, I am going to post one thing that I am thankful for that day. It could be related to the kids, to my husband, finding a glazed croissant in the bakery....whatever it is, I'll write about it here for the next 30 days. I'm hoping this will make me slow down a little, to acknowledge and notice the little blessings around me everyday (because there are so many!)...and to just be thankful for how good God is...every day in every moment, in every new phase, new life, new memory, new accomplishment and just in the little things that make us happy- He's in all of them.

Today, I am thankful for a new phase to be shared with my Bella girl. Daddy took Asher to play golf for the day, so me and Bella had the whole day to ourselves. I decided it was a good day to focus on her potty training. I started by showing her that there are no more diapers left (there really aren't- daddy is going to buy overnight pull ups instead) and then we went up to Mia's room and I showed her Mia's little newborn diapers and that she is going to be a big sister and can't help me change Mia's diapers if she is still in them herself. Then I sat her on her potty with a yogurt stick and within 30 minutes, she went! We've just been hanging out in the living room today with her shows on, reading books, playing with play-doh and she's already gone 2 more times!

So, yes although there are many things to be thankful for today, I am most thankful for pee-pee in the potty, a little girl in Hello Kitty underwear and the time I get to spend with her.

Psalm 30:11-12
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The End is Near!

I had my last appointment with the specialist today. I didn't know it would be my last one so I wasn't prepared for how I felt when I walked out of the office. I hugged a couple of the nurses as I left and said goodbye to the receptionist and as I did, a wave of emotion came over me and I had to keep from crying like a baby in front of them. What in the world?! Why was I crying?? And then I realized it wasn't tears of sadness but an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I have come to know that office and the people there so well over the last couple of years. They even teased me today because I have it all down to a science. I always get the 1:15 appointment because it's the first one after lunch and I know I will get in right away. I wear a dress because I know they will ask me to undress from the waste down and it's easy to pull up for the ultrasound. I stop off at the restroom because it's inevitable that I'll need to go and they always ask me if I need to anyway. The sweet nurse who does the ultrasounds and I have gotten to know each other pretty well and she knows that no matter what she does or tries, Mia will ALWAYS have her hands up by her face. Always. I promise you that since week 19 when I first started going to see them, Mia always has her hands up by her face. The sweet technician has tried and tried to get a 3d picture of Mia's face for me but it never works because she is blocking it with one or both of her hands. Little stinker. As I looked up at her on the big screen with her fists up by her face, I thought "she looks like a fighter" and then I realized..she is...She's my little fighter. Not only that but she is constantly moving and squirming. They are always commenting on how much she moves. Thank you, so it's not just my imagination! I'm thinking she is fidgety like her mama and can't sit still long enough. This can be good in the instance of keeping busy and getting things done, or bad in the instance that your husband wants you to watch a movie with him and the idea of sitting still for 2 hours is pure torture. But anyway...

As I stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button to go down, I cried. Yes I did. And I thanked the Lord for a sweet, healthy girl that only needs to put on a couple more pounds before we meet her. I may already have two perfect, healthy, children but I will never take for granted what it is to have a healthy baby come into this world. Honestly, new life is SO precious. A new baby is the closest thing we have to heaven. I can not wait to hold My little Glory- Mia Glory. Today was a significant marker on the path we've gone to get here and just another opportunity for me to give thanks, honor and glory to my sweet Jesus. I am so thankful....and so excited. Less than 5 weeks till we get to see her face and snuggle, snuggle, snuggle!!

And on a completely shallow note, I would like to let it be known that I have only gained 24 lbs so far. 2-4 people. This may not seem like reason to celebrate with a Shipley's donut to all of you, especially those like my grandma who like to remind me she only gained 2 lbs in her pregnancies (OK I'm exaggerating, it was more like a measly 15- whatever, same thing) but to me, the girl who gained 50 with Asher and 40 with Bella, this is mind blowing. And reason to celebrate with a Shipley's donut. Thank you very much.

I had my regular Dr. appointment with Dr. Farhart yesterday and he started talking to me about what time to get there the morning of my c-section and how we're at the end and then he started sounding like the peanuts mom to me because my mind started drifting and I was making a list in my head of what I still needed to do. He sent me into a frantic cleaning mode, God Bless my husband for loving me and cooperating with my intense need to get rid of every spec of dirt in this house and to make sure every item in this house has a place and is in that place. I walked in the door and started cleaning. Literally. I'm not exaggerating, ask him. That twitchy need to be cleaning in my every spare moment is always with me. There is always something to organize, move, redecorate or clean these days and Lord have mercy on anyone or anything that gets in the way...wait a second, have my kids had lunch today?? ;)

I'm almost done with Mia's room and I will be posting pictures soon!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Random and Sporadic = Me

Be prepared. This one is going to challenge you...cause you to think, be still, go deep.

Or none of the above. I am not feeling deep at all. In fact I am feeling happy and full. Some dear, sweet friends of ours introduced us to "The Egg and I" and from here on out I will blame them for any weight gain I have. Their gigantic waffle is quite possibly the most delicious thing I've tasted since hitting somewhere in the 2nd trimester when food became not so important or interesting and instead SLEEP seemed much more delicious than any food could.

Hello run on sentence! I'm not going back to edit today though, you get what you get because quite frankly I realized I haven't been too good at updating this and I am going to regret it after Mia gets here. So basically I'm just writing whats on my mind. It will probably be sporadic, random and full of run on sentences without proper punctuation. But that's basically me if we were to hold a real conversation in person. Just go with it. Don't be one of those people who edits while reading cause thats annoying. (I totally am one of those people).

Time. Where on earth is it going? Right out my window apparently. I keep thinking I've got all this time to take updated belly pictures and to write. And then another day goes by...another week and then a month. Ok, I'll be honest on the real reason I haven't been so good at belly pics...Why am I using the word belly? I hate that word....Anyway, are you ready? It's really good. Ok, I never feel cute enough. Good, right? No. Dumb. I know. I've been struggling a bit with how I feel and look. I've cut my hair way too many times to count during this pregnancy and it just gets shorter and shorter instead of cuter and cuter. And even though I haven't gained near as much weight as I did with Asher, I still feel like that girl who turned into a giant blueberry on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Except not blue. And with short hair.

I'll take this opportunity to do the proverbial "but it's ok because I am so blessed to be pregnant and even if I feel like Humpty Dumpty, it's all worth it for my sweet baby"....because it's true. It really is. And everyone knows how thankful and blessed I feel to be having this precious girl. But let's be real. It ain't always rainbows and sunshine and its ok to show that sometimes right? right!

It's so easy to get caught up in all of those vain insecurities, until I realize what I'm doing, bring myself out of myself (if that makes sense, it will if you are deep, like me) and start focusing on other things. Particularly other people. Amazing how moving your thoughts and perspective to others can change your entire day around. But now I'm getting deep and thought provoking and I said I wasn't going to do that in this one so lets move on.

I am in TOTAL nesting mode. As if I already didn't LIVE in nesting mode, it's now reached a whole notha level. I'm somewhat hooked on one particular blog where this mom does all kinds of crafty things and art projects with her kids, while baking up these elaborate desserts. Yeah, thats not me. But I can pretend. It's inspired me to get a little crafty. Which for me, a little is a lot. So I set out on a couple of projects for Mia's room that I'm pretty excited about and have also decided to make Bella's costume this year. Not sewing or anything, lets not get crazy...just putting some pieces together and hand making a couple of pieces as well. If you never hear me speak of these projects again, then you'll know none of it actually played out in real life like it has in my imagination and I gave up, got in my car to go to therapy (Target) and ended up buying it all instead. Which is what I usually do....and you should probably just not ask me about it. Ever.

It's a beautiful day. I'm sitting outside on our patio with my Bella girl. She loves to come out here and just sit. She puts her little hands on the chair arms, looks around, listens to the birds and says "this is nice." We've all got our allocated seating arrangements according to the princess. She's bossy. We just go with it. We can only do this when Asher is at school. Otherwise sitting still is unheard of and they'd be exploring on the forbidden side of the house, getting into dirt and things that I pretend to not know about. When it comes to boy stuff like digging in the dirt and/or eating it. I've taken on the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" rule. Keeps my blood pressure down. Which is good for Mia, right? Right. Or I'm just choosing to be ignorant because ignorance is bliss. But I'm still gong to use Mia as my reason because I can for another few weeks. Thankfully there are baths, which to me are the answer to everything. So nowadays my kids are free to get into whatever they want and then I just throw them in the bath with some bubbles and call it a good day.

I've started waddling. Notice there was no ease of transition to tie in these two unrelated paragraphs? Like I said, I'm not editing today. Back to the waddling...I realize I'm doing it and then try to stop but it doesn't happen. It's inevitable. You try walking like Ms. America with a watermelon throwing you forward. You know it's become obvious when Bella is playing mommy with her babies... puts her hand on her back while holding the baby, walks with a limp to her play crib, sticks out her tummy and says "Oh baby, I got to put you down, you too big for mommy."

All in all, I'm feeling good. I'm 32 1/2 weeks. No this is not my first, yes those two are mine, it's a girl and she'll be here in November...Oh sorry I went into my recorder mode. My brain is triggered to answer all of those questions after the first one of "How far along are you." Whoever gets me that t-shirt will be my new best friend. Or you can just follow me around and answer the questions for me. That'd be great.

Fortunately my hormones have taken an up turn in the mood department and I no longer have to force myself to show you the love of Jesus and fight to keep myself from giving you a dirty look if you get on my nerves. You need to know something about me though. The looks are not always intentional. Keep that in mind the next time you think your getting one from me. Evaluate the situation. If you didn't just steal my Famous Amos cookies then you are probably ok and I'm just thinking about something else. Like my bed and wanting to be in it.

So there it is, a small glimpse into my 8 month of pregnancy with Mia Glory. We're keeping busy, enjoying, cherishing and loving our life and waiting patiently to add her into the mix of it all. This one is a little long, but thats ok, you can read it sporadically through the next couple weeks since I probably won't update it again until then. Or maybe I will. If the temperature hits just right, my sweet cinnamon pumpkin oil is burning, I've got mommy's juice in a hot mug next to me and the kids are playing nice. It just might happen sooner.

LIVE LAUGH LOVE! :)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Before The Morning

I've found myself standing in the door of Mia's nursery many times over the last few days imagining what it will be like to rock her in the chair I've rocked both Asher and Bella in and to look down at her as she sleeps in the same crib they've slept in. I daydream about what she will look like, what her personality will be, who she will resemble-- although lets face it with my track record for procreation, my odds of having a child that looks like me are slim--I can still dream though. And I do. Mainly I imagine what it will feel like the first time I hold her. The first time I feel her little body next to mine, watching her as she sleeps, her back moving up and down as she breaths. I can see it. I almost feel it. My heart and my arms ache for it.

I realized recently how much I've held in, how much I've guarded myself and my heart. As I've crept into the 3rd trimester it all becomes even more real to me. I guess no matter how hard I tried there was still a part of me I was guarding. A place in my heart I was keeping as secure as possible and slowly as time passes and I get closer to meeting my little girl, I let go a little more.

There's a line in a song that is very special to me called "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson and while I love the whole song, I find one line of it ringing through my head daily- "Once you feel the weight of Glory, all the pain will fade to memories." I first heard this song right after we found out we'd lost Mia's twin. I was struggling, heart broken and confused, but then this song came on at just the right time and every word spoke to me. "Once you feel the weight of Glory, all the pain will fade to memories." I hear it over and over sometimes, as if the holy spirit hears my heart, sees my struggle and is reminding me. Maybe that is why I get so emotional thinking about the first time I will hold her. Truly, the "weight" of what a precious blessing and gift My little Glory is, is almost hard to contain.

I have to be honest, I've struggled over the last couple of months with my emotions, my feelings and my words. There's been many times that I've started to write something out and then mid way through closed it out and shut the computer. I began this blog knowing it was something I was not only meant to do, but needed to do and somewhere along the way I've lost sight of that. I've let myself care too much about what people might think. Opening myself up and my heart to others is a struggle for me, yet it's why this blog is so significant. Why the timing was so significant. This pregnancy is not only about a little girl named Mia Glory growing inside of me...it's about a God who deserves all the Glory for where I am, where he has brought me and even more so, where he is still taking me. It's about shouting from the rooftops that yes I've gone through a lot of pain, tremendous loss and heartache, but in all of that is where God has made me an overcomer. It is in my every day experiences- funny, silly, sometimes difficult, sometimes a little deeper- that God is calling me to glorify Him...through my writing. It's about God giving me a voice, a desire, a gift and using it. Sometimes that may be in a light-hearted story about one of my kids, sometimes it may be in sharing a memory, but either way it is to glorify him and I have to keep sight of that. We've all been given opportunities to bring Glory to him. Whether its in a testimony, song, writing, a special talent- whatever it is, if that gift is not being used for Him then what is it for? Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in ourselves and our lives, our insecurities and struggles that we lose sight of what it's all really about.

As I stood in Mia's room tonight, my heart was overcome with emotion. Not from the memories of what's been lost, but out of thanksgiving for what is to come. When we can look at our present and be thankful, to our future and be hopeful, is when we know the past is truly behind us. Letting go of those things we struggle with and lifting our heads and hands to the One who brought us through it all...giving Glory to Him, that is when we know the healing has begun...the pain, fading to memories.


Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Our little Glory girl

Time is passing by so quickly and my pregnancy is moving right along with it. Each and every day is so significant and special to me. There are many reasons but one of the main reasons is because I get to go through it with my sweet husband and kids right along side me. It's such a blessing to me to share it with them. Not a day goes by that we don't aknowledge our sweet daughter and little sister growing in mommy's tummy.

Asher likes to give me updates on the growth of my belly as if I don't notice for myself..."You're tummy is getting bigger"..."How much longer till she comes??"..."You look bigger today." That last one was my favorite because he said it when I was walking in front of him so I'm not quite sure how to take it. He states these things very matter of factly. Much like he does on a cloudy day when he says "It's going to rain"...as if he's the weather man.

Bella tells me every day that she is going to put the baby on her shoulder and sing "You are my sunshine" to her. She kisses my tummy, points to it and says "that's my sister". She is going to be a proud big sister. I'm going to have to break it to her that she is not her mommy. It will probably shock her, as Bella seems to have been born with an incredibly strong sense of mothering and nurturing.

It seems like this little girl may have inherited her daddy's night owl gene (as a matter of fact, he is outside watering the grass- it's 11:30 at night) because in the evenings and at night is when she seems most active. I told Brandon that when she comes they can keep each other company while mommy goes to sleep. Every time she really starts moving I tell him to hurry and put his hand on my tummy and every time he does, she stops. So I told him "See, you've got a way with her already, it works out perfect!" ;)

I can't wait to see what she will be like. I already know she is entering this world with a whole lot of love waiting to be poured out on her. When I think about the moment I get to hold her, I feel overwhelmed. In some ways I want to speed up time and in other ways I want to savor it all. You know how there are just those times in life that you know you will look back on and have such great memories of? This is one of those times.

After quite a few conversations, Brandon and I decided to name Glory, "Mia Glory." We've always referred to her as our little glory girl and we still knew that "Glory" should be part of her name. It's very much what she exemplifies in our life right now and always will. Glory means a number of things, one of them being "the splendor or bliss of heaven; perfect happiness." No other word could better define what this little girl means to us. When I started to feel like I should give her a name that would be easier to go through life with, the name Mia came up and when I found out that it means "my little girl" in spanish and italian, I knew that would be her name.

"Splendor or bliss of heaven" is quite possibly the most beautiful imagery that could be placed on a little life... And so "Mia Glory" is truly who this little girl has become to us. In every way.

Our little glory girl, we are waiting for you. We all love you so much already. Grow strong and big and when it is time for you to come, we will be ready to kiss the face of our little splendor of heaven.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Taming the tiara wearing Toddler

Potty Training....

I've tried to put it off until I knew Bella was ready. She is not one to be pushed into anything that girl.

Asher was so easy, being the people pleaser he is, if he knew it made us happy he was all about it. As soon as he could understand what to do, we took him to Target, let him pick out big boy underwear and called it a day...potty trained by 2 1/2.

Bella on the other hand? The girl is smart. She knows what to do and she knows we want her to do it. She doesn't care. She is going to do it when and IF she is ready...more like willing. I'm not one to push my kids to do anything, particularly Miss Priss, because I don't want her to run in the opposite direction. Cause she will. She's like her daddy. I can't pester Brandon to do something, I simply have to ask in the most loving, wifely way possible and then let him do it when he is ready. It's a testing of my patience. Daily. You couldn't find two more opposite people but gosh I love him.

Back to the point...I would love to hear some tips or suggestions on successfully potty training a hard headed little girl. And when I say hard headed I mean that in the most positive way possible. When I was little, people used to tell me my mouth was going to get me in trouble (don't be shocked) but my mom always said it would instead be used for the Lord and His work. So, I am going to speak forth that this hard headed quality in my sweet angel girl, will be used for the Lord. One day. For now, it must be nurtured...channeled...conquered! Kidding. Well sort of.

Let it be clear that I am not making her do it before she is ready. She is definitely ready. When she brings me a diaper and wipes and tells me she needs to be changed, she is ready. Now, not later whenever she chooses to give in. I refuse to have a 3 yr old still in diapers, simply due to a stubborn streak. Not gonna do it.

My goal is to have her fully potty trained by November. Maybe this is a stretch, at minimum I would at least like to have her well on our way.

The other day, I sat with her for a good 10 minutes while she sat on her potty. We were having a fun 'ol time, talkin it up on everything from Abby Caddaby to the boo-boo on her knee. She had me take her picture, she hammed it up big time, thought she was hot stuff. After 10 minutes, I told her she could go play but if she needed to go potty come tell me right away. Two minutes...TWO minutes later, she comes downstairs with a big smile on her face and tells me she went potty. In Asher's room.

Lord help me.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Remembering Faith

Today is one year from the day we met our sweet daughter Faith Marie face to face.

I can still see her little face when I close my eyes and take myself back to that hospital room, Brandon at my side and our close family members surrounding us. I will never forget the love I felt in the room that night. The peace and strength of those around me girding me in prayer.

There is a lot I vividly remember to that night, but not much I will share. Maybe one day. For now they are memories. Some painful, some still heart wrenching, yet others bring me hope and remind me of the new faith that was stirred in my heart in those moments.

My sisters made me a frame with some very special pictures that were taken that night.It is one of the most precious things anyone has ever given me and I treasure it like I do the special frame they made for Grace Ann as well. The frames sit on a window sill in Bella's room. I look at them almost every day. Today, I looked at Faith's a little longer, as I remembered that day 1 year ago.



I would love to tell you about my sweet girl. She had her daddy's lips. She was soft and precious and so innocent and pure. When I held her, she had already left this world to go and be with our sweet Jesus in heaven, but I was and still am, so thankful that I was able to hold her. I remember fighting through all of the pain medication, the aching empty feeling in my stomach, the burning pain in my lower abdomen from where she had been taken, the tears blurring my eyes...to focus. Focus on her, focus on the moment. I wanted to remember it all. I knew I would look back on that time and want to remember the details. I made it a point to look at every part of her. I unwrapped her from her little blanket and studied her feet- she had toes like her Aunt Jacquelin. I memorized her hands and even turned her around to look at her scrawny little butt because that's always my favorite on a newborn baby. She was perfect.

She may not have been completely developed yet, but in my eyes she was perfect. All she had left to do was put on weight, but other than that she was a perfectly formed little baby girl.

I know I leave a lot of blanks in my "story." Many don't even know why we lost Faith at 23 weeks or what happened. I will try to fill in the gaps as much as my heart will allow me to, but that part of my heart is still very much guarded. The details, the memories stay locked away for the most part but today, the day she was brought into the world for just a small fragment of earthly time, I want to talk about her, and to tell her story.

I want to remember her.

We had complications from about 10 weeks on in my pregnancy with Faith. It began with some spotting and we found out I had a tear between the placenta and the uteran wall. The weeks went on and honestly now trying to recall, I can't quite put a specific time line on it all. I just remember going weeks with nothing happening and then suddenly I would start bleeding. We thought the tear had healed, but it hadn't and it was causing my amniotic fluid to leak along with the bleeding, which therefore meant Faith's lungs were at risk to not develop properly. I ended up in the hospital on bed rest at about 22 weeks. I remember the number 24 being this magic number everyone kept mentioning and I wanted so badly to get to that point. At 24 weeks she would be considered "viable" and would have a slightly better chance at surviving on the outside. Although not ideal as the first part of her life would be spent fighting and struggling through every breath.

I was sent home on strict bed rest with the understanding that I would most likely be back in the hospital to stay for as long as I could keep Faith growing. I struggled with this. It was so hard for me to imagine being away from my kids and husband, yet I knew I needed to do it for my little girl. I've tried before to put this into words, but I simply can't. All I know is this was one of the hardest things I've had to face. My heart was at home, being a mom and a wife. But physically my body was in a hospital room being monitored continuously and not even able to get up on my own to use the restroom.

It was humbling, it was breaking and it was life changing. I couldn't do this all on my own. I couldn't be everything to everyone and be perfect at it all. What a lesson to be learned.

The night of August 3rd at 23 weeks, knowing I'd be going back to the hospital soon, I sat in Bella's room, rocking her to sleep...and I prayed. I had prayed continuously though out the pregnancy but this prayer and the heart it was coming from was different. I prayed to God to let His will be done. I told him I just wanted to be home with my family yet my heart was breaking for this little girl inside of me ..that I wanted to hold her in my arms and have everything be ok with her but I was tired and I couldn't fight anymore.

In those same moments I felt a flood of tears come over me. It was overwhelming and uncontrollable. Up until that very point, I was fighting as hard as I could for my baby's life. I was relentless and hardly allowed myself to cry... to show weakness. I felt like it would seem as though I had given up. And so I refused. I would not cry and I would not give up. But that night, as I sat praying, rocking my two girls- one in my arms and one growing inside of me, I cried.

I released it all to God. I gave it to Him. I stopped trying to fight on my own and I let myself cry.

Within the hour, I completely ruptured and began to bleed uncontrollably. Brandon rushed me to the hospital and after discussion and a decision made by the Dr. on call, it was decided I would be taken in to surgery for an emergency c-section. I remember being rolled away, looking back at Brandon and seeing concern and fear, written all over his face. He had been right by my side the whole time. My heart hurt for him. I wanted to keep fighting for him...for her. But I couldn't. I physically couldn't anymore.

I didn't realize the depth of what was happening. I knew my baby was ok, I heard her heart on the monitors, loud and strong. The nurses had reassured me that she was ok. Even as my body was failing me, she was still fighting. I can still hear her heartbeat echoing through the room as people all around me fought to keep us both alive.

Laying in the stark white room, a sheet being draped in front of me, the world fading around me, I felt relieved. My thoughts began to fade, the noise went silent, vision went blank...The decision was no longer on me, the weight was off of my shoulders. It wouldn't be all on me to fight for this little girl anymore.

I didn't realize it was basically inevitable that she would not have much chance to live. Her lungs were not mature enough and I'm told she fought to take a breath but couldn't. Her first breath was in the arms of Jesus.

Faith Marie was born on August 4Th, 2009 weighing a little over 1 pound. She passed away soon after birth. She and her sister Grace are buried in a very special spot. On family land in Seguin, in a place called Sunset Hill. I imagine there are many scenes just like it in heaven.




We will all be together one day. I will get to see her daddy hold her in his arms again and fall deeper in love. I will see those pouty lips turn into a smile and I will catch a peek of her little baby booty again.

Until then I will always remember our Faith.


I don't believe it is by accident or coincidence that I sit here, one year from the day, nearly 23 weeks pregnant with a healthy, kicking, perfect little girl growing inside of me. I cherish the time I have her with me. Sharing it with my two breaths of heaven and the most loving daddy I could imagine.