Thursday, April 28, 2011

Break My Heart

I've taken some time to get this written because every time I sat down to write, I couldn't think of the right words. I felt like nothing I could say would do it justice.

Last Friday night we took the shoes to the kids and were privileged to sit in on the service that John and Teri (the couple from our church) hold there at Agora each Friday night called "Youth Revolution."

I watched and listened and looked around the room at each of the kids. I felt a bit intimidated actually. I didn't want them to think we were trying to fly in with our capes on and say "look what we did!" Because Lord knows that was not my heart. Part of me even wanted to just sort of sneak in leave the shoes and run.

But I hoped that they would look past any outer appearances and see our hearts. Which was purely to bless them, with hopes that they in turn would bless someone else. Because that is what this was all about.

These kids come every Friday night to the Youth Revolution service. John and Teri share a teaching with them. This time it was on Faith. They were given mustard seeds and read scripture. Then they get to eat. This night it was brisket made by a very sweet volunteer. Some nights its pizza, provided by John and Teri, other nights a church will provide something. They all stay around for a while...either outside or inside...just talking and hanging out. There's an air hockey table and pool table, a sofa, and a tv. I remember Teri laughed a little when I said something about being worried that some of them would leave before we could give them the shoes. She said they wouldn't and that sometimes they have to make them leave because it's gotten so late.

It was amazing for me to see.

See, the seeds we sowed by the blessing we gave were sown on good ground. Ground that John and Teri have toiled and nurtured with their time, love and desire to be God's hands and feet.

The kids that we blessed all ranged from 6 months to 19 years old. The babies and toddlers were either children of the youth who attend the service or siblings of them. So not only were we able to bless the youth from the Youth Revolution service, but it extended beyond them as well.

I wish you each could have been there. Just to see the faces of gratitude. The hugs of appreciation....These kids were some of the sweetest, most respectful kids I have met.

One of the biggest testimonies to me was of 2 boys who at first said they didn't want any new shoes. I could sort of understand. There was a sense of pride there. But after Brandon and I were able to talk with them and we'd been there for a while...they both came up to me before leaving and said "I've changed my mind...I'd like a pair of shoes."

I wanted to hug them as hard as I could. That alone was enough for me. To know that they knew what this was about. They could see our hearts and intentions.

My hearts cry for some time has been that the Lord truly "break my heart for what breaks his"....thats a great song, but I didn't just want to sing...I wanted to BE it.

As we drove through the neighborhood where Agora Minsitries is, my heart was broken. These kids who have so little....have no idea. They know no different. My heart was not just broken for the "lack" that I heart was broken for just now seeing it.

When we walked into the building, Asher right away wanted to leave. It was out of his comfort zone. I could see it on his face. To be honest, I recognized the feelings because I felt them myself. I think sometimes things seem to be too much for us or too intimidating so we either run in the opposite direction or we just don't respond at all.

But by the end of the night I couldn't get Asher to leave.

{I think Teri's chocolate cake had a little something to do with that}

These are the type of things I want to show and teach my children. I don't want to raise kids who are unaware of the need of others and more aware of their own. I want them to be mindful of others, and God's love for them and more importantly I want them to show it to them.

I left there, feeling like I was the one who had been given something. A heart fuller than ever, a desire to make a difference in this world, ignited even stronger. Every trial and triumph we go through leads us to one thing- Him. I've been on a path of much pain and loss, yet even more growth in my faith, hope and love. I intend to turn every one of the trials and triumphs I've gone through to Him- to glorify Him.

There comes a time in our lives where God calls us to MORE. He places a desire in our idea...a inspiration. And then it's up to us to act on it.

Most of the kids took off their old shoes and put the new ones on right away.

This boy got a pair of black converse and said he had never had a pair of shoes like this but always wanted some.

He melted my heart. I wanted to hug him like there was no tomorrow but I thought maybe I'd scare him. So I asked if he would take a picture with me instead ;) The boy in the red was probably one of the most gracious, respectful boys I've ever had the privilege of standing next to.

I used to say that my "ministry" was my children and husband. That my stage in life right now is being a mom and a wife. I still believe that. I believe God has given me a passion to be a mom and wife, and to do it to the best of my ability.

But I also believe that I can do that while always keeping my eyes focused "out" to see the need of others and to act on it as well as I can. My heart is to always stay open and ready to be God's hands and feet. To be aware of others needs. To go outside of my comfort zone in order to show others I care. Not to be too consumed with my own life or intimidated by the greater need and run, but to see them and act.
To let my actions speak loud.

And I think that in doing that, I am being the best mother I can possibly be...because I am not only telling my children about God's love....I'm being God's love. More importantly they are learning that there is a world outside of there own in need of that love.

This was only the beginning for me. I am so thankful for what God has taught me through this. And I am so, so incredibly thankful to those of you who gave. These kids were given a gift...not just shoes...But God's love demonstrated through others.
Through you.

I began this out of a heart to inspire others. In the end, I realized....I was the one inspired.
To be more, do more, act more.
My heart will never be the same.

"Open up my eyes to the things unseen-
Show me how to love like You have loved me-
Break my heart for what breaks Yours-
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause"
Hosanna- Hillsong United


  1. What beauty there is in the lessons that the Lord reveals to us through others.

    May I never stop learning.

  2. I am so glad that you have been able to experience what I experience EVERYDAY! It is truly sad that children suffer from any lack..."We" should provide! I am glad you are driven to do more cuz THEY need more, and there are many more of them! You GO GIRL!

  3. It starts with a step. And the biggest one is taking it. There ARE many more but I think people get intimidated by the "many" so they don't even focus on the one, you know? Biggest lesson to be learned is to just take the step forward. One by one, person by person. Thanks for your support, love you!

  4. Wow! I just stumbled onto your blog from a link on te Wiegand's. And I am so moved by your honesty and your heart for the Lord.
    I loved reading this story of how you got out of your comfort zone & went to give a gift, and received one in return.


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