Tuesday, June 7, 2011

In the stillness

Have you ever been in a conversation where you don't know what to say?

It gets quiet and kinda awkward until one of you makes up an excuse to walk away...like a small child is in need, or a phone call must be made right then...

Well I can't say those conversations happen to me often because, as I've said before, I always have something to say. When I feel the conversation getting quiet, I quickly grab something out of the air and say it. No matter how random it is.

Call it a "filler".
A completely unimportant tidbit of information that is only being said because I hate the awkward silences.

I'm sure you're shocked to know that this has gotten me into trouble a time or two. It's also led to random facts about myself being spewed out of my mouth before I can wrangle them back in. Like any person really needs to know I brush my teeth in the shower.

But I have to say, I feel like I'm in one of those conversations with this blog now. Like the conversation has turned quiet, and a little awkward.

At the moment where I would blurt some random piece of information out, or compliment your hair....I don't. Instead of grasping for things to say, I'm just not saying anything at all.

I can't tell you the amount of times I've gone to write something, feeling like I have to...that awkward silence getting louder and more obvious.

But every time I try to, God says "not yet, Laura"

....and so the words don't come.

It's a little frustrating for me. Being the talker, writer---communicator that I am. But I know it's where God wants to me to be.

And although it took a bit of fighting, I've figured out it's going to stay this way long enough for me to really hear and listen what He's trying to say....and what He wants me to say.

My mouth has always been "me"....my words, my writing...it's me. We all have a gifting. And I don't know, I guess you might say, my words are part of mine. I've been reminded of the story in Matthew of the Parable of the Talents many times over the last few days. There are some people who don't use their gifts and talents at all. They put them away in fear of losing them or fear of themselves and others....insecurities.

Then there are those who use them wisely. They listen and obey, allowing those gifts to be strengthened....multiplied.

Right now, I'm in that place of listening and obeying.

God's taking me away from certain things and removing distractions.

What I don't want to do is fill those empty spaces with more distractions.
'Grasping for "fillers."

So instead, I'm watching, looking, learning, growing, asking, seeking...but mostly I'm listening.
Because I know it's where I'm supposed to be and because I know I'll find my words again.

"Be Still and know that I am God" Proverbs 46:10


1. Free of sound.
2. Low in sound; hushed or subdued.
3. Not moving or in motion.
4. Free from disturbance, agitation, or commotion.

So, please...don't walk away or go chasing one of your kids. I'll be back ;)
{P.S I didn't start Jillian Michaels today. Maybe next Monday?}


  1. This is so true... sometimes God just wants us to be still and listen. :o)

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