Enthralled: To hold spellbound; captivate.
I don't remember where it began, but somewhere in the midst of growing up, I lost my confidence.
I can remember looking in a mirror as a little girl, at my freckles and brown hair. Then at a picture of my mom on her dresser. She was gorgeous. I didn't think I looked a thing like her.
I battled to find my confidence through high school, masking my insecurities with a mouth that often got me in trouble. Known for saying what I thought. Even if it hurt people. That was me. Like it or not.
In college, I struggled with my weight. I figured out how to lose it. Not in the healthiest of ways. I became obsessed. Working out, sometimes 2-3 hours at a time. Hardly eating. But I was fitting into sizes I never had before. I thought I found it then. My confidence. But I didn't.
I got married, to an incredibly loving guy who never made me feel anything less than gorgeous. And it's still the same to this day. 7 years later.
But my confidence in myself. My abilities. In who God made me to be. Still missing.
I had a baby boy on a cold day in December. I became a mom. Experiencing a love I had never felt before. A confidence I didn't recognize. Not in beauty or size, but in my new role. A mom. Those old insecurities beginning to fade as I saw myself through someone elses eyes.
I became pregnant with Faith. I fought. I cried. I pleaded. I fell in desperation. Every insecurity in who I was. All of the shortcomings that attempted to overshadow them....slipped away. Nothing else mattered. My babies. My children. My heart. They mattered.
I saw that little life slip before me. A life so beautiful. And with it came a different kind of love. A love for life. For others. For them to experience God. To see His Glory. His goodness.
I stood up again one day and looked at myself in the mirror. I saw someone beautiful. But I was still the same girl from years before. Freckles and brown hair. What was different now?
An inner beauty. One that had been found through trials and struggle. But. One that was found in Him. A confidence in who I am. Not because of what I look like or what size my jeans are. But because of the one living inside me. The one who says, I can. The one says I am.
The one who made me. Intricately. Specially.
All of those insecurities, He took them and he shaped them. Into something beautiful. Something purposed for Him and by Him.
He is enthralled by me. Captivated.
What an amazing, overwhelming truth.
And do you know what else? He is enthralled by you too.