Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Enthralled

 Enthralled: To hold spellbound; captivate.

I don't remember where it began, but somewhere in the midst of growing up, I lost my confidence.

I can remember looking in a mirror as a little girl, at my freckles and brown hair. Then at a picture of my mom on her dresser. She was gorgeous. I didn't think I looked a thing like her.

I battled to find my confidence through high school, masking my insecurities with a mouth that often got me in trouble. Known for saying what I thought. Even if it hurt people. That was me. Like it or not.

In college, I struggled with my weight. I figured out how to lose it. Not in the healthiest of ways. I became obsessed. Working out, sometimes 2-3 hours at a time. Hardly eating. But I was fitting into sizes I never had before. I thought I found it then. My confidence. But I didn't.

I got married, to an incredibly loving guy who never made me feel anything less than gorgeous. And it's still the same to this day. 7 years later.

But my confidence in myself. My abilities. In who God made me to be. Still missing.

I had a baby boy on a cold day in December. I became a mom. Experiencing a love I had never felt before. A confidence I didn't recognize. Not in beauty or size, but in my new role. A mom. Those old insecurities beginning to fade as I saw myself through someone elses eyes.

I became pregnant with Faith. I fought. I cried. I pleaded. I fell in desperation. Every insecurity in who I was. All of the shortcomings that attempted to overshadow them....slipped away. Nothing else mattered. My babies. My children. My heart. They mattered.

I saw that little life slip before me. A life so beautiful. And with it came a different kind of love. A love for life. For others. For them to experience God. To see His Glory. His goodness.

I stood up again one day and looked at myself in the mirror. I saw someone beautiful. But I was still the same girl from years before. Freckles and brown hair. What was different now?

An inner beauty. One that had been found through trials and struggle. But. One that was found in Him. A confidence in who I am. Not because of what I look like or what size my jeans are. But because of the one living inside me. The one who says, I can. The one says I am.
.
Beautiful.
Well Able.
Capable.
Equipped.
Called.
Purposed.
Loved.

The one who made me. Intricately. Specially.

All of those insecurities, He took them and he shaped them. Into something beautiful. Something purposed for Him and by Him.

He is enthralled by me. Captivated.

What an amazing, overwhelming truth.

And do you know what else? He is enthralled by you too.








17 comments:

  1. Thank you for the reminder :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOVE this! In our insecurities, we must remember how God sees us. Thanks for writing this!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. beautiful!!! i sometimes forget to see myself how God see's me because i'm too busy beating myself up over something. gotta stop that. thanks for sharing!

    xoxo
    ashley
    www.laluceimagery.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. awesome words of truth! writing this reference down for my bible time later....
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. Needed this today! How did you know? My Heavenly Father knew... feeling very loved right about now. Thanks Laura for being sensitive to the Spirit! - Heather

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you Laura!!! I often feel the same way, but I know the Lord sees my beauty.

    ReplyDelete
  7. amen. so thankful for his unconditional love.
    i love that scripture! thanks for sharing! xo

    ReplyDelete
  8. In a world that constantly tells us we are not enough, it is comforting to know that we are perfectly made...just as HE wants us to be.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Everytime I visit your blog I leave feeling SO good! Thanks for always being such an encouragement. I am so blessed to have found this little bit of splendor! :-)
    hugs!
    xxO

    ReplyDelete
  10. Amen! So beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt feelings and experience.
    xo
    Andee

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm so glad you shared this. I needed it today! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  12. WOW!! I needed this today!! Love this!! Thanks for such an encouraging post!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yes, "called, equipped". I love this! I have that verse in my kids bathroom. I love the thought of my girls reading that as they grow up. You are beautiful, inside and out! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  14. we have even more in common than i thought, dear friend. excellent post. convicting, heartfelt, and lovely. our King is for you and He is HAPPY to instill confidence into those who love & trust Him :)

    ReplyDelete

♥ ♥ ♥