Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You"
We were sitting at the dinner table one day last week. Somehow the conversation turned toward heaven and when we're going. Asher is so curious and asks a lot of questions about this. It often leads to talking about Faith and Grace. We talk about them openly. I want them to understand. To know.
When we buried the girls, they were buried on some family land. A part of the land called Sunset Hill. It overlooks beautiful grass and trees. There's a swing there. Lots of history. I really don't know of another place that could have been more perfect for them. Or a place that means more to me.
The kids know that the girls were buried there. In the ground. Tiny little coffins that hold their bodies. But they also know they are not there. They live in heaven.
But still Asher asks. Why did we bury them in the ground. Under dirt and soil. I tried my best to explain it to him. At one point, I had no words. I had no more answers that made sense to me, much less a 5 year old. So I looked at his dad. Hoping I wouldn't need to talk anymore. If I said one more word, Asher might hear the tears waiting to burst out of my words.
But that conversation got me thinking. The soil, the dirt, the ground. Our girls buried in the earth. That area has to be kept mowed and cared for. Grass, weeds, wildflowers try to take over it, if it's not kept under control.
I've had this song stuck in my head for weeks. Beautiful things. He makes beautiful things out of the dust.
Yes, knowing two tiny baby girls are buried there is hard to know. I have to remind myself, that they are not there. That they are alive and in heaven.
Sometimes I have lots of questions like Asher does. Sometimes I don't hear an answer.
But I'll see one. In the beautiful things that have sprung up around me. Hope. My precious kids. Beauty. Flowers in a vase on my kitchen table. Leaves falling. The air turning cooler. Hugs, and love, and Time. Time itself is so priceless.
My family. The ones who've always been.
My husband who selflessly cares for his family. For his church.
My little sisters tummy. She'll never know how much it makes me smile to see it. That little life growing inside of her. It is precious.
My Bella girl in her princess tutu and crown. Asher waking up in the middle of the night, reaching for me. Wanting to know I'm there. Mia with her big smiles and shy looks.
A table full of brothers and sisters, grandmas and friends. Kids running around. Dancing and laughing. Cousins.
These are all such beautiful things. Things he has made out of the dust. The trials, the struggles, the long journey's.
We all have them. They're all around us. We just don't always see them. We see the bigger, louder things. Demanding for our attention. Deadlines, bills, meetings, play groups, appointments, and tasks. Hardships, sickness, struggles, and pain. We let those things cloud the beautiful.
We let the weeds and grass and wildflowers overgrow. We don't take care to keep them under control. We get negative. Focused on the bad. Little and big.
But out of that dust can come beautiful things. For me, it was a deeper vision and focus. My eyes became clearer. My heart became bigger. To see and to feel the bigger more beautiful things in this world. As little as they are. I try to see those. To focus on those. Every. Day.
There is so much Hope. So much Love. So much Beauty in this world. Take the time to see it today. I think God is always speaking to us through the little things. What does He want to say to you today? Will you hear?
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end" Ecclesiastes 3:11"