I woke up and went to my own bed. But at some point in the middle of the night they both made it in to our bed. I laid their, as close to the edge of the bed you can get without falling out because Bella likes to sleep sideways.
But as I listened to the peaceful sounds of them sleeping between Brandon and I, I thought about the many times they spontaneously hugged us since we'd been home and told us they were happy we were home. They wanted us close. As tired as I was I couldn't bring myself to make them go to their own beds. Because the truth was, I wanted them close too.
The truth of what a gift I have in these 3 kids, in my husband, in our home and in our life. Hit me hard.
Sore back. Aching arms. Exhausted. I decided I didn't care about the discomfort. The treasure I hold in this life. The tangible blessings of each day and the evidence that comes with it, far outweighs any discomfort that it can bring along side it.
We had an amazing time on our trip. I am literally still processing it all. The conference--the speakers, the connections we made, were all completely inspiring. Dreams and passions have been reignited. My focus, redefined. There is so much to do, so much to this life far greater than me. So many in need of someone who will step out of their comfort and speak, act, love, do.
I want to be that person. As much as I put my own comfort aside for my kids, I want to teach them to do that for others too. I pray that as I die to myself each day and my own priorities, wants, needs, and wishes. I am walking out love. Not just talking or teaching those things to my children, but showing them by living it out.
I have such goals. Dreams. Plans. God has given me a cause to live for. A burden for others to carry and a desire to do something about it. But it begins right where I am. In my every day. In my home.
Sometimes I get discouraged with myself because I feel like I'm not doing enough. Like there is so much left to do in a day.
But last night, God spoke to my heart. Every day with my children. Loving on my husband. Caring for my home and the things God has placed in my hands, the testimony he's given me to tell and my obedience to tell it....it's training ground.
Each day, each step. Every act of obedience in the little, leads to the greater.
My ministry and my heart begins where I am. Being faithful in the here and now. He's given me a dream. A vision to strive for. Goals beyond myself.
And He's given me today.
Laundry to fold. Suitcases to be unpacked and groceries to be bought. A baby girl to be held and fed in the early morning hours. A curious 5 year old to love on and answer all of his 567 questions. A husband to honor and adore. And a 3 yr old little girl who watches it all. Wanting so badly to be like her mommy. That in itself is a huge ministry to hold.
I pray I teach them to care for the little. To live in the now. To cherish and treasure. But, with a greater and bigger purpose outside of these 4 walls igniting the way. The people in need of me, them, us...putting our own comfort aside for the sake of those in need of something greater, living in us.
God's looking for people who are willing to get a little uncomfortable for the sake of others. I pray I am always open to be that person. And more importantly, raising a generation willing to do that also.