Saturday, October 15, 2011
Without the Rain
In Hawaii there are lots of rainbows. It rains right in the middle of a sun filled afternoon. Liquid sunshine they call it.
Rainbows are one of my favorite things to see. Not only because of their obvious beauty, but for what they represent. Gods promises.
Today is a special day. It's a day that we remember every baby that's been lost.
So I'm taking a little more time to think about my babies.
But truthfully I remember them every day.
By looking into the eyes of my precious 3. Being intentional with them. Purposeful. Thankful.
You see moments with them are so precious. So priceless. There are moments when I look straight into the eyes of Mia and I see her sister Faith. I watch Bella playing and I imagine her sister Grace doing the same in heaven. In a blue dress and brown curls.
And it drives me. To be more, do more, be better. To push forward. To make a difference. To make their life mean something here on earth.
I've settled their losses in my heart. Allowed the brokenness to heal.
I live each day with joy. That could only come from him. I don't hold on to pain and hurt and confusion because those things can bind. They lock you up in your own thoughts and struggles. They narrow your focus. Contain you.
Instead I hug one of my children, or I see the sun setting, rain falling, wind blowing, flowers blooming and I remember them, my babies in heaven. With happiness.
I cling to the promises He has given, the gifts He has brought, the blessings and the every day moments, the rainbows after every rain. Because they always come.
That doesn't mean my eyes don't sting with tears that want to flow, or my stomach doesn't tie up in knots at the idea of them gone.
I do cry for them. But that is not how I remember them. I remember them by living for them.
By living each day to bring glory to the one who brought them to me.
To declare of His goodness, always.
To comfort others who mourn,
to love on those who are hurting.
To live here on earth, worthy of what their little lives have done. The testimony they have given me. The courage they brought, the hope that was found. The love that changed forever.
Today, I will remember my babies. I will laugh with my kids, hold my husbands hand and I will see the glimpses of my babies in each of these moments. I will live in each of these moments. And I will remember them.
I pray that for every women who has lost a precious baby, today, you would remember them by living, seeing, acting, doing, loving. And allow their life to live on in you by inspiring someone else to do the same.