Mia took her first steps on Christmas Eve. Since then she has done a lot of practicing and teasing us with a step here and there.
She loves to hold on to the tips of my fingers as I let her lead me around the house. Going wherever she wants. It's fun to see where she'd go if the crawling weren't such a chore to her. You can tell she's over the crawling. Too slow for her speed. She wants to run in and out of rooms and keep up with her sister and brother.
So we've been practicing like this every day for little bits of time here and there. Around and around tables. In and out of bedrooms. She doesn't stop to look at anything. Stopping would mean....stopping. She doesn't want to. Sometimes she gets too excited and wants to run, she gets moving forward faster than her little legs can go and falls to the ground. Looking up at me she looks surprised.
"What happened, where were you?"
But I was there the whole time.
She won't get up again until she sees me reaching out for her. Then her little hands grasp my fingers and I pull her up to walk again.
How often do we want so badly to quickly get through something. To quickly learn what we need to and then get going on our own. We forget the process. To learn how to take the steps first.
The running will come later, but not soon enough for us. We get impatient with the learning and jump ahead instead.
Then we fall. Stumble.
On our knees we ask God, "where were you?"
In our hearts we know, He was right there the whole time. Always. Never leaving. We were the one who let go.
Pretty soon Mia won't need my hands to walk.
Pretty soon, all of this practice, and the falls especially....they'll have taught her enough to do it on her own.
Sometimes I wonder, who that was before. The unmarried one. The one without kids. The one who hadn't suffered pain or loss. The one who had never cried true tears of real joy.
But I know who she was. She was just a girl trying to get through the process. Running sometimes when she should have been walking. Talking when she should have been listening. Moving, when she should have been still.
The steps. The learning. The process. It can teach us so much, if we let it.
It can change us. Move us to love in ways we never have.
Yesterday Mia stood up and walked on her own. She fell.
But then she got up again and then again.
She's learning that it's a process.
I pray she holds onto that. always
Soak it all in baby girl. Don't rush ahead. There will be time for it all.
Learn what you need to. Listen for it.
Grow and move, be confident in His voice.
Love others more than yourself. Always.
But do love yourself too. Everything you are. Because He made it all.
Don't resent the process. It can teach you so much.
Love, compassion, mercy, and depth.
The steps might seem hard sometimes. They may be too slow.
But take them, sweet girl. Each and every one. There's a reason for them all.
and that laugh of yours? that joy?
Don't let anyone or anything ever steal it.