Friday, February 10, 2012

On being open

So because of my last, simple post about meal planning I had comments and emails from people who don't normally try to connect with me. But they finally decided to. I had a couple of sweet emails in particular from people I loved "meeting." 

Apparently talking about meal planning is a real ice breaker. ;)

It was a good reminder that wherever you are, whatever you're doing, whatever you are striving to be better at, or need help in...God wants to use that. He simply wants to use you.

Sometimes we don't talk about our struggles, as little as they are, or even our bigger ones, because we fear what people will think. I fear what people will think.

Writing about my girls, about my story, our story. It's easy. It's easy for me to write about how much I miss them. About the days I lost them. About how I want to speak into and minister to other women who have lost babies like me. That's my passion. My heart. It's where God has healed my heart, restored my spirit, renewed my strength.

I could talk to you about that all day long.

But what isn't easy are the little every day struggles. About how sometimes I look in the mirror and only see things I want to change. How I condemn myself for this because it means I'm being too inward focused. About how sometimes I don't feel good enough to do something or I'm just too afraid to try because I might fail.

I struggle to talk about the imperfections of my life and my heart.

But I've found that when I do, even as little or silly as they may be like the fact that I'm not a cook, or sometimes I'm too tired to cook a healthy meal, or sometimes I just want a darn pizza. That God can use even that. That he wants to use even that.

I heard an interview on the radio the other day with the singer Natalie Grant. The beautiful, anointed, gifted and talented Natale Grant. She said that one of her biggest battles is intense insecurity. I immediately thought to myself, what if she had let her insecurities keep her form doing what she does. From using her gorgeous voice to reach so many.

I shared a picture on my instagram yesterday. I usually wouldn't do something like this, but I wanted to show something God had done. it was a picture of my stats from the night before. My page views on one post within in hours. It was close to 16,000 page views. It was a post I had written about Mia's Birthday Party. Someone had "stumbled" it on stumblupon {still not sure how it works} and then someone else did the same, and so on. 16,000 page views with in just a couple of hours.

This blew my mind. At first I was a little resentful because I wanted it to be something deeper, or profound or one about Project Hope. You know one of my "good ones" ;) but instead it was a simple DIY post about a first birthday .....I will be honest, and this is the truth...I very rarely check the stats on my page. The page views or sources etc. I don't want to. I don't care to. I just feel like if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, God will draw people to me. The one who needs to read whatever I'm writing. Silly, or Serious.  Whatever it is.

And then, I got an email, It was from a woman who randomly found my blog through this "stumbling" and read about Project Hope and Threads of Love and was so inspired by it that she was contacting her local Threads of Love to volunteer. Someone who might not have ever read my blog, happened on it because of a crafty/DIY post.

And God reminded me.... It's about the 1....not the 16,000, not the 1000, not the 100, but the 1.

We can get so lost in who we think we are reaching, how we are reaching, what we're saying, what we're not saying, what they will think, how they will judge....when God is saying---just let me use you. Let me use a post about a first birthday party, to reach one woman who has been searching for a way to use her sewing and crafting for the Lord.

That right there. That makes my heart swell up and brings tears to my eyes. It's awesome the way God uses us when we let him. When we put ourselves out there and open up our hearts.

So I guess what I'm getting at here is don't be afraid to share you. To be you. Your struggles and weaknesses. Your joy's and your victories, your talents and your passions. Because God wants to use every one of them. Every. One. Of. Them.

Even meal planning. Which P.S Thank you to everyone who responded on that because this girl needs some help in getting intentional in the kitchen. and I don't mean pre-heating the oven to 375 and throwing a pizza in, unfortunately.

Have a beautiful weekend y'all. Oh and I have a fun announcement for Monday!!! So see you then!!!!

7 comments:

  1. I love all your posts. They're so heartfelt. Because of you and my own loss I'm starting the Oregon chapter of Threads of Love!

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  2. This is beautiful!
    Love your heart and how the Lord is using you.
    the 1... that's what it's about.
    Thanks so much for sharing this.
    xoxo

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  3. Wow, Beautiful, heartfelt, and encouraging post.

    I needed to hear every word of this. I'm pretty much the same way.

    It's just awesome how God can take something we don't deem as relevant and use it. Thank you so much for this post.

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  4. It is strange how comfortable we can be about talking about some thing and then other scare us. I always get scared when writing anything even remotely negative. Will I want those words in black and white later? I love your perspective about it. thank you.

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