Friday night B and I and Mia were blessed with a surprise, last minute date night. Both Asher and Bella spent the night with some sweet church friends of ours, so we took advantage and went out to dinner. Even though Mia was with us, we still kinda treated it like a date. She's a nut. That's the best word I have to describe her. Mia is crazy and silly and funny. She loves attention and to make people laugh and she is super friendly. Rarely is she not smiling or dancing or putting on a show.
When we got home from dinner, B decided to go running with me, so we put Mia in the jogging stroller and he took off ahead of me while I got my music and nike gps going. We had intended to run together, but I lost them somewhere in the neighborhood, which ended up being ok. I kinda needed the time to clear my mind and have a little talk with God. There's a whole story to that but I'm saving it for another post.
When I got back to the house the sun was just about gone and B and Mia were sitting on the front patio watering our grass and flowers. Mia has a weird thing about water. Like, she hates it. Hates it. So she was sticking really close to me. She was tired too, so she laid her head on me. A neighbors sprinklers were going across the street. There is something about the sound of sprinklers that I love, don't you? It was so quiet and nice and cool out too. So we sat for a little bit talking. I told B about some things God's been showing me. Some things I thought about on my run. I love talking to him because he helps me process. He listens. He just loves me. And that day, I really needed him to.
It was a moment I wanted to bottle up and keep forever. My sweet Mia Glory all snuggled up close. The girl who helped heal my broken heart. The girl who makes us all smile daily. The girl who reminds me of God's beauty and splendor with every new day. The girl who lifts her hands and sings at the sound of any worship song. I don't want to forget moments like that, holding her close.
I sometimes think maybe I'm too deep of a thinker. Like I always think there is more to a story when someone is telling it. I think every thing means something and I'm always looking for what that is. I started wondering if maybe that side of me is too much sometimes. Maybe I shouldn't share it. Like sitting outside with my sweet girl and husband, listening to the sounds of the sprinkler and talking, maybe it should just be as simple as that.
But that's just not me. I feel things heavy. I see them deeply. Even the most simple of things.
And I think thats ok, because it's how God made me, right? and He must have made me this way for a reason. I don't ever want to miss an opportunity to learn something or to see Him. Even in the sounds of a sprinkler. I choose to look for Him in those things. I choose to think of my girls in heaven when I see hydrangeas. I choose to pray for and think of my sister Ginger when I look at the owl necklace she gave me and I wear so much. I choose to see God in sunsets and in random run-ins with people. I think He's in all of them. I think they all mean something. I don't believe in chance. Do you?
I think there is so much more to see than what our eyes can only see. And I want to see those things. I don't just want to rush past people who could use a smile or a friendly conversation. I don't want to miss God when He tries to teach me something right in the middle of a run, or when He tells me the lady at the cash register could use a compliment. I don't want to miss the sound of barking dogs and running sprinklers, the sight of bright orange clouds as the sun goes down, or a song coming on at just the right moment.
I have stories, and connections, and parts of my heart for each one of my kids. Asher and Bella and Mia. All of them. But Mia. I've always felt something strong with her.
Her middle name is Glory. the definition of Glory is the splendor or bliss of heaven. I sometimes wonder if maybe I feel and see things so strongly, because I have bits of my heart in heaven. Our sweet babies waiting. You know I think of them every day. I don't cry for them. My heart is healed. They are in a perfect place far better than here, and one day I will be with them too. but I do think of them every day.
Right after we lost Faith, I would pray so hard to God to give me one more glimpse of her. I wanted to see her face one more time. I hoped maybe He would give me a dream of her. Or maybe a little vision of her playing. But He never did. Not in those ways.
Instead He gives me glimpses of her each day. In small and simple things.
So maybe I'm kind of deep and cheesy sometimes. But I've decided I don't really care. Because I think it just means I'm hyper sensitive to whats around me and there is too much beauty that I don't want to miss. It would be a sad world if I didn't see it that way, I think.
Talks with my husband, snuggles with my kids, the stillness of a quiet night...those are bits of splendor to me. I just don't want to miss them. Ever. That's why I do this and I hope you do too. To capture and cherish and remember life's little distinctions, because I believe they all mean something.