Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Tomorrow you will finally be "foe." You've been waiting for this day for a very long time. We celebrated your birthday with lots of friends and family on Saturday and when I put you to bed that night you said "I can't believe I'm finally foe, right mom?"
Maybe it was me wanting to hold on to you still being "shree" but I decided I better break it to you that you weren't actually "foe" just yet. That you would be, on the 16th...just a few more days.
Today I told you that tomorrow is your birthday and you will finally be four. You got so excited and scrunched up your nose and did your little giggle and gave me a big hug. I've been soaking you in today. I know that tomorrow you won't have changed from today. You'll still look the same. Your little thighs will still have that roll in them that I absolutely love. You'll still have a hard time saying your "l's"and "r's" and you will still talk with a new york accent.
But. You'll be 4. Thats a big difference from today. Today you are still "shree."
We sat on the patio this afternoon and watched the rain. It started to slow down so you asked to go put your rain boots on and try to catch some rain drops. I love how clever you are. How independent you are. How incredibly imaginative you are. I watched you as you tried to catch them in your net. Mismatched pj's that you had changed twice already. You pick out your own outfits and are very opinionated on what looks right.
I've always loved your name. Even before I knew who would have it, I loved that name. Isabella. It means consecrated to God. I always said we would only call you Isabella but when you came, it just seemed natural to call you Bella. Bella is a bit more sassy, a little more spunky. And that fits you perfectly. Grace was your sisters name before you. You ask me about her a lot because of your middle name and that makes me smile. It's why we gave it to you. To remember and to remind of God's grace daily. And you do just that.
I won't lie. The last couple of months I have found a bit of a challenge with you. I have sensed you growing up. Trying to establish your self in this family more and let us all know you've got an opinion. You always have to say something. You love to talk. I always say you wake up talking and go to sleep talking. But thats not what I'm referring to. I'm referring to this need you have to have the last word. I recognize it. I remember that need. I remember running up the stairs as a 17 yr old girl, trying to get the last one in during an argument with my mom. I remember it so clearly. And I see it in you.
Can I tell you something? One day you'll realize that having the last word isn't all that important. One day you will learn that just being quiet can actually speak louder than any words could. One day you will learn this. But I know telling you this now won't matter. You have to learn it on your own. I know this because I did too.
You are strong willed. opinionated. Bossy and sassy. Not bad qualities. But qualities I know I need to help soften in you. I can see this part of you that needs to manage something all of the time. I can see this part of you that wants to be in charge. I don't want to take these parts from you because they are parts of who He made you to be... but I want you to learn how to do those things with love and sensitivity. With compassion and kindness.
I look at you and how unique and complicated you are and I think surely God gave you to me for a special reason. He matched us together perfectly. So that I could soften you and sharpen you and help shape you. And so that you could do the same for me. You have already taught me so much as a mother Bella.
You are my little buddy. This season we are in of you and me and Mia at home during the day... it's a sweet one. You wait all day for Asher and Dad to get home, but during our time together you soak it up. You love for it to be just us. When Mia goes down for a nap you start naming off all kinds of things we can do. Sometimes that includes cleaning the windows because you are my mini me. But mostly you just like our time together, no matter what we do. You help me remember things. You tell me you love me almost by the hour, and somehow you know just when I need to hear "you're beautiful mom." You keep me on my toes and you are really good at finding my phone for me because you know the spots I tend to leave it in.
My biggest prayer is that through these next years we can stay close. We can keep talking and laughing and growing and learning and most of all, loving. Because I know these precious early years are laying the foundation for the harder ones. The ones when you are 17 and running up the stairs trying to get the last word.
I want you to know I will always be here, loving you. There will be times where you think you have it all figured out and you don't need me. I'll still be here. There will be a time where you think your too cool for me and I know nothing. I'll still be here. Because there will be a time where you realize you need your mama more than anyone else. You'll realize that maybe I did know a thing or two and that not many other people "get" you like I do. And you will just want someone to "get" you....I'll be here.
Bella, you are incredibly sweet. You are loyal and loving and you were born to take care of people. You are a nurturer and an encourager. You hold a conversation better than some adults.You are a true beauty. Inside and out. You are ours--your daddy's and mine. And we couldn't be more honored that you are. Happy Birthday my sweet girl. You are finally "foe"