Wednesday, June 27, 2012

a mist

There are times where I feel things around me much heavier than normal. I've talked about this before. And how I sometimes wonder if maybe it's 'too much.' Like I should be able to go on with life and my search of finding the right nail polish that doesn't chip in 2 days,and let that be my biggest issue. I should just let the heavier things get pushed aside. I should just not be so serious and deep about things. I should just ignore these deeper things that start stirring in me. Because no one else will understand. No one else with get it.

That's where my thoughts go sometimes. And so I become really quiet. I sort of retract in a way, because there is so much going on in my heart and my mind and I don't know how to express it or let it out. So I don't.

I scroll through instagram and twitter and down the line of my google reader. I skim through posts about outfits and crafts and DIY's. I ignore the stirring. The pushing. The heavy. I turn on the tv and sit through an hour of sister wives, completely confused and totally wondering how one wife wouldn't want to punch the other in the face.

I try to ignore. Because everyone else seems to be. Everyone else seems to live this life that is so carefree and easy. And I should be able to too.

But the only problem is. I can't.

I think life can be really light and easy at times. And I am all about the super light and easy.

But I can't ignore the heavier things either. The way my heart hurts when I hear someone has lost a baby. Or the realty that hits when someone passes away in a car accident suddenly. Those things hit me and they stay with me.

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14

I keep thinking about how fragile life is. How if we could grasp just how fragile it is, we would live it so very differently. I have felt so overwhelmed by this thought lately that I didn't know what to do with it all. I literally just wanted to curl up on my sofa and watch episodes of the Kardashians and pretend that that is what life is really like.

But it's not.
There is so much we can be doing. So much hurt we can help heal. So much love we can offer. Compassion to lend and hope to tell about.

I guess I'm just feeling it all so heavy right now, and I just don't have the energy to write about anything else. I hope you will forgive me.

And if you run into me at Target standing in front of the Essie nail polish display wondering if I should go with light pink, or a lighter pink, feel free to give me your suggestion, but also don't be afraid to talk to me about what is really on your heart. Those things deep inside that you think no one else will understand. Because I will. And I hope you will do the same for me here too

35 comments:

  1. Feel the same way.
    Love you.
    And texting you back tomorrow.

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    1. Love you too, sweet friend! Think about you a TON.

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  2. I've cried like 8 times tonight because of people close to me who have miscarried and I just cried again at this post. Thanks for being real.

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    1. aw Katy, I'm so sorry. You are sweet soul my friend. Your friends are blessed to have someone like you right now.

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  3. You are not alone. I have times in my life like this, too. When I read this, I thought about how much compassion you must have in your heart and how wonderful and Christ like it really is. Love your heart and honesty. Prayers.

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    1. Thank you for your extremely sweet and generous words Tracy. I pray daily to love and see people the way He does and I guess sometimes this is the result of that you know? I just wish there was more I could do and that thought alone is sometimes too overwhelming. I have to remind myself that one thing, one step, doing what I can do, will make a difference. I don't have to do it ALL. you know? Thank you again.

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  4. i know exactly what you are saying/how you feel, and i think this heaviness can be a beautiful thing...thank you for this post, for your blog...it has been exactly what i have needed lately, for so many reasons. thank you.

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    1. Thank YOU Haley for coming by and reading. I always always love "meeting" people through my blog and am so thankful when they say hello, so that I can!

      And I agree, I believe it can be a beautiful thing for sure.

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  5. Rose D. Frenchtown, NJJune 28, 2012 at 7:49 AM

    I have never commented before, but I soooo want to run into you at Target and talk to you about what is heavy on my heart. It has been broken and bruised for so long that I don't even know if it will ever heal. Blessings to you...

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    1. I am so glad you did comment Rose. Please know that your heart CAN and WILL heal. Just keep praying it through. God is the ultimate healer and I promise that even at your weakest and lowest He is there. Lean into Him. Feel free to email me too if you'd like....
      Also, If you are ever in Texas and at a Target, just look for me, your chances of running into me are high, ;)

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  6. You are not alone. Sometimes life does get heavy. But its those times where we have to cling harder to what we know, more importantly WHO we know and TRUST that He's got it all figured out. Easier said than done, I know. Life is tough. It's not all rainbows and butterflies. But there is always sunshine behind the clouds. ALWAYS. Hugs girl! I pray you will lighten soon!!!

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    1. Love you Annie lou. So thankful for you and your encouragement.

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  7. I can relate! It hurts my heart so much when I hear stories of someone's son killing himself and he was only 13... a whole life to live yet, or someone else that can't get pregnant, or whatever it is. I hurt for them and wish I could do something more for them.

    Thanks for posting on this!

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    1. It is hard isn't it.
      we can pray though. That is the powerful thing we have.

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  8. This post is fantastic. It's honest and raw and wonderful.

    You are not alone, dear. Brighter days are coming. It's the storms that teach us how to praise Him.

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    1. these times are for sure the ones that draw us closer and stronger to Him. Not always easy, but I am always thankful for them. They are sweet, too you know?

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  9. totally, completely get it. i retreat when i'm burdened too. which is often, just like you. it's easy to think that everyone else is just living light and free and happy but i think that's just what we tend to put out there, you know? anyway, keep feeling things deeply, friend. we love how you articulate it all when it finally does come out :)

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  10. I'm like this---I take tend to take others hurts and struggles unto my own heart. I feel their pain and hurts.

    mama to 9. 12 and under.

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  11. Ok, the nail polish you MUST try is Lancôme. They used to have a different one that they've discontinued and I haven't tried the new one but it has good reviews on the site. When I used the old one (which I still have some of) it didn't chip for at LEAST 8 days or so....and that's washing my hands 500 times a day and putting gloves on over and over! It's FABULOUS! (I know that's off topic but I hope it helps!)

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  12. i can relate to this more than you know. i think and feel things so deeply and struggle expressing them. sometimes my they're very clear, but i'm scared to share them with anyone and sometimes i can't even make sense of them in my own mind. last night i couldn't calm my mind down and my husband just had to lay next to me combing through my hair to help me relax and fall asleep. maybe we're not alone as we think. looks like a lot of woman feel this way.

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  13. AMEN! Far too often we just go through the motions. I'm feeling the pull for more really heavy on my heart right now. I want more quiet time to reflect, a deeper knowledge and love for my Lord, richer relationships, and raw feelings and emotions exposed and shared. I need to quit sweating the small stuff, but also need to remember to keep appreciating and enjoying the small things. Life is too short. Only a mist... LOVE IT! Thank you!

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  14. Laura- This is so beautiful and heartfelt. I can totally relate. I feel as though this sentimental heart of mine or intercessors heart is so heavy and weighted that it honestly makes me wonder why? I really love how you described what it is that you go through when you hear of death or sadness. I see how others can move on and bounce back quicker than I can and I wonder why? But then I remember that God has given this heart to me for a reason, a purpose and when I'm so strongly connected I do find it easier to lay these things at His feet. Oh hi there, I'm new here... My name is Noël and I look forward to reading more here and getting to know you better. Happy to be your newest follower.

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  15. I know what you mean about feeling so moved. I read once that the things that move/ grieve you could be things you are here to bring God's healing to. What angers you/ you hate could be something to change/ correct. I liked that.

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  16. So well said, Laura. Sometimes life does just feels heavy, and it's hard to wade through. But you do it beautifully.

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  17. Its funny and amazing how many women have commented here and feel the same way you do! I am also one of those. I cry over a full basket of groceries. I also make grocery bags full of vitamins and baby wipes and my husbands old socks for random homeless people, pulling over on the side of the road running through traffic to hand it to them. people call me crazy. most people dont listen when i want to talk about what is on my heart. And 100% of the time girl...its heavy. I have been thinking about this alot lately too...and I am being brought to the sermon on the mount. For some reason I have been reading it everyday. Where Jesus says, Blessed are those who mourn, they are comforted." How on earth could anyone in THIS world think that mourning is a good thing? I think there are a special group of people who know Gods comfort and see people hurting everywhere and just so desperatly want people to know it! I made a wrong turn yesterday and ended up in a bad neighborhood. I had both girls in the car and we pulled up next to a house where a disabled man with very long hair, no shirt came out in a wheelchair. He looked lt. dan "ish" from Forrest Gump. He had skinny legs and compression socks on. All I heard was God telling me to stop and pray for him. I drove by about 10 times with the urge to stop, but I didnt. Thats seems crazy to people, that God would just tell you to pull over and lay your hands on a stranger...but I get it. Not even my husband. He said I might have gotten shot or hurt...I dont know Laura but your not the only one...and we get it. This probably doesnt even make sense haha but all that was to just tell you that your not alone!

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  18. Love this, Laura. Thanks for sharing - it's real truth.

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  19. I just found you and I'm basing this on one post -- BUT -- I think we are exactly alike!!! New follower. Looking forward to getting to 'know' you more. XOXO

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  20. Laura, I know the feeling of this more than you might think. Some dear friends of ours just found out their sweet 18 month old daughter (youngest of 4 kids, and they have their 5th due soon) had a removable mass of tissue on her kidney that turned out to be an inoperable tumorous mass on her abdomen, with several blood vessels near the spine. My heart breaks for them. Their family has been through so very much with her sister losing one of her sweet 6 month old twin boys to SIDS last year. It seems so much. So so much pain to even carry at all. And yet.. the comfort.. the love God has.. It is absolutely amazing. ((Hugs))

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  21. girl. as always i love your heart. such great words from the Lord. I was just talking with a friend about this last night. the need to be real, be vulnerable, deal with our souls and with what the Lord is speaking and doing. and to take hold of the opportunities He gives me to BE with Him. and gosh I def dont take hold of those opportunities He gives me all the time. I need to. anyways. Im rambling. :) thanks for this truth girly...i love your heart!!!

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  22. I have felt like this more often lately than ever. I am so happy that you shared what was on your heart- I think it is a great thing to be able to express those raw emotions/feelings through blogging, because you are not alone with what you are feeling. Life is heavy and light and maybe both at any given time. I will be praying for you friend!

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