I have struggled in the past, with caring too much about what people think of me. With wanting them to like me. And at times it has been the deciding factor in decisions I've made. In steps I've taken and things I've tried.
Despite the fact that I have always had big dreams and I've always had a heart to do things bigger than myself, I haven't always had the confidence to do them.
I remember clearly a time I had to make a decision that changed me forever. When we found out we were expecting another baby a few months after we had lost Faith. I stayed quiet at first and didn't tell many people.Then we found out it was twins and I struggled even harder with telling people. Because deep down way inside my heart I was afraid, that I would get all excited about twins and announce it and then something would happen again.
But then I also knew that in keeping silent, I was robbing God of praise for our double blessing. And I was allowing what I had been through before, to keep me quiet. Afraid. Hidden.
So instead, I chose to announce it to everyone. Just after our 12 week appointment and seeing two babies jumping around on the ultrasound screen.....We were having twins and we were so excited and we gave God all the glory for our double portion and we chose to tell everyone.
But this wasn't the choice that changed me.
Just 2 weeks later we lost one of them. Mia's twin didn't make it past 14 weeks. I was pretty devastated. I sat on my bed that afternoon completely defeated. Crying. And the one thing I kept thinking was "what are people going to say."
I wondered if people would want to know when I was going to give up. Why I hadn't. I wanted to shut down. I wanted to cower away from it all and go silent. Bury myself in the covers of my bed and not deal with it.
That is what I wanted to do. But I didn't. Instead that very day, I opened up this lap top, and I began to share my story. I began to praise Him even in the uncertainty. I began to praise Him for the little girl still healthy and kicking inside. And I wrote it all out for everyone to see. That is where this blog began. To share my story and to give him the glory through it all.
I made a choice that I won't ever hide in the safe shadows. I won't cower from the limelight because I'm worried about what people will think. I won't apologize for the amazing things that happen in our life. I will always give Him all the glory for it all. And I will keep on praising Him even through the struggles.
I realize that what I write about doesn't cater to everyone. I realize that not everyone will like me or agree with me. I realize that not everyone carries a passion for the same things I do. I realize that certain posts won't get much feedback. I realize that I do things a little different than most.
But I'm ok with that.
I made these choices from the very beginning that I would always to stick to who I am, no matter what, and so that's what I do.
I've had a few emails asking questions about blogging and how to get started, how to get yourself out there etc. And I've seen lots of posts written about these topics too.
Truthfully? The best thing I can offer is to be true to who are. Keep being that person, because people will recognize the authenticity in you and be drawn to you no matter what. The less you care about what people think, or being liked, the more "you" shines through.
And that's all people really want.