Last night I laid next to Bella in her little twin size bed as she fell back to sleep. I brushed her hair back and watched her breathing get heavier and I stared at her little face. Remembering that same profile as a little baby and memorizing how she is now. Sometimes I think I can stop time by just closing my eyes and freezing that moment in my mind. I closed my eyes and started thinking about all of the little things she does and says right now. How she's changed in her short little 5 years and how she's stayed the same.
She has this thing lately where she likes to give me the "I LOVE YOU" sign with her hand. I think it's the cutest, sweetest thing. At the most random times. In the middle of a busy afternoon, or just as I am putting her to sleep she'll throw it up with a big smile on her face. I give it back to her and she smiles even bigger. I think about little things like that and how one day she'll remember that she and her mom had that special thing they'd do.
The little freckle on the back of her arm that I've stared at since she was a tiny baby in my arms is fading. No one else would probably know it's there except me.
She's so fiercely affectionate, so deeply emotional and attached and loving...she doesn't know when to stop talking, she's super bossy, and so set in her ways, but Lord is she loving. Intensely loving. She's a note giver too. Little folded up construction paper and crayon love notes are scattered around our house. Rainbows and flowers and her family. I don't want to forget these things. I keep as many as I can, thinking of those days when she is old and grown and how I'll want to bring her back to 5 years old.
The thought seems so overwhelming and so I just try and stay. Right here and now. With my Bella Grace at 5 years old.
"Mom, I'm really into Asher today. He's just so cute!"