(photo by Chelsea Lietz)
I never planned on or intended to, but I ended up taking a 7 month hiatus from my blog. I could very well let it just lay to the way side (did I even just use that correctly?) but every time I question it, God keeps bringing me back to the very reason and time I started it...
Gosh, it was nearly 5 years ago. I was pregnant with Mia and we had just found out we'd lost her twin. This came after a very devastating loss of losing our first girl, Grace, at 20 weeks, as well as Bella's twin early on in that pregnancy, and then losing our 3rd daughter Faith at 22 weeks. I know this all sounds so confusing and one day (soon) I will write out my full story. But that day, the day we came home from an ultrasound and the doctor said one of the babies hadn't made it, I wanted to give up. I wanted to crawl under my covers and hide from the world.
I was sitting on my bed and the computer sat near by. God had been whispering to me about writing through my journey and sharing it, but I was rebelling. Blogs weren't too big back then and I was like a blog? What kind of a word is that? And who will read! And what will I say!" Basically, I just didn't know where or how to start or how much I wanted to share and putting myself "out there" was a scary thought. My bed, hidden under my blankets, sounded a lot safer.
That day though, He clearly said, "Start." Right here. Right now. In the middle of your heartbreak, start.
So thats where it began. I wrote all through my pregnancy with Mia and even after. This blog went through many different identities (high five for anyone who remembers it used to be called 'From Grace to Faith') I've shared our life, shared my home, our kids, my faith, and so much in between.
I have changed so much since that day 5 years ago. Heck, our whole life has changed so much since that day. After another miscarriage when Mia was 3, we became pregnant in the spring of 2014 and now have our 4th and last...Judah Charles. He was born February 27th weighing 8lb 11 ounces. He's completed our family in so many perfect ways. It just feels right and good to know he's our last. But he also completed a nearly 10 year long story where so much of my identity was in my babies and pregnancies and losses. It's sort of left me here asking where do I go from here with this blog?
Lately God has been speaking the word NEW to me a lot. How its time to start praying some new prayers, for a new season, and singing some new songs. Know what I'm saying? Not to say "forget the past, it's time to move on"...Not at all. Simply that all of that, is part of now, yet seperate. It's connected me to where I am now... A new and different place.
I may not be walking through the same season I was for so long, but it's a new season. And one I want to share. It's a season of change for our family, a fresh one....one that just feels good. Complete in some ways and just beginning in others. I loved this quote I read earlier--
"All that is BEHIND you was in preparation for all that is yet BEFORE you."
My story is one of hope, loss, joy, struggle and faith. But it is far from over. In some ways I feel its only just beginning. So if you're reading this now and you've been with me from the beginning, or if you've just started.. WELCOME. I pray, truthfully, with all my heart, that my words encourage you, uplift you and inspire you. I'm not here to just be like "Hey look at me, look at my life, isn't it wonderful?" ...Far from it. It is always my heart to be transparent and real. Life is for sure so beautiful and I strive to always look for the good in every bit of it, but it's also very messy at times.
So here's to a new chapter.
Thanks for being here and thanks for all the love over the years. I'd hug you and ask how you've been if I could see you in person, but since I can't, just pretend I did, K?